


false god

by dorotheaivy



Category: Booksmart
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Ryan, Drinking, Drug Use, F/F, High School Reunions, Lesbian, Mentions of Lana del rey, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Smut, amy has no idea what she’s doing, bisexual annabelle, diana silvers, gigi is still crazy, hope is secretly soft, kaitlyn dever - Fandom, lots of feelings, other booksmart characters will make appearances, smoking weed, supportive and crazy molly, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:48:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25084150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorotheaivy/pseuds/dorotheaivy
Summary: amy and hope realize that even after a year, their feelings did not dissipate.amy comes home after her gap year in botswana to spend the summer in LA before going to columbia - hope is also spending the summer in LA before starting at NYU.(everyone else in the story are also in LA for the summer, so this story isn’t an alternative universe but rather what i hope would happen if there was a booksmart sequel)
Relationships: Amy/Hope (Booksmart), Jared/Molly (Booksmart)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 111





	1. we might just get away with it

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i love hope and amy together, and i love booksmart, so here’s this story.. this is just how i personally interpret their connection together from the literal 3 scenes they had together in the movie. from what i can see, they have a lot of sexual tension due to their blatant attraction to each other, and their encounter in the bathroom at nick’s party..yeah. so beware, sexual content. i just always imagine them having such a strong attraction that the energy between them when they’re around each other is very compelling. other characters and relationships (really just molly + jared) will be in this story too.
> 
> i read this chapter over at least 10 times, i edited a lot of parts out and even added some to fix it up to be somewhat decent. there was a lot of italic text in there, but it doesn’t copy over into ao3 format apparently, and i’m too lazy to go and fix it so there’s that. if anything reads off weird it’s probably because of that.. also, hope listening to lana del rey seems oh so right, especially considering diana silvers loves lana, so - yes!
> 
> let me know if you like this, i guess? i know i constantly check the amy/hope tag for new stories, so maybe they’ll be other readers eager for a new story, idk. i hope you enjoy it, i’ll try to update frequently but i have a lot of planning for future chapters so i’ll see how that plays out.
> 
> also - this is titled “false god” after taylor swift’s song from her lover album. it just made sense to me. :)

amy: Hi, it’s Amy. I’m in LA now

She didn’t know what else to text. It was hard enough just to literally go as far as saying “hi”. Amy felt strange to send a text to Hope after almost 2 months of not texting. They had some small talk when Amy first left for Botswana, because Amy quite literally added Hope’s contact and texted her practically right after getting it. But the two weren’t close, and it’d been a while, so it made her nervous. She didn’t even know if Hope was in LA still.

She wished she wasn’t, so she wouldn’t have to face her pathetic fear of facing the girl again, but deep down, she really wanted to see her.

Amy’s phone made a noise, and she rushed to click on the notification, marking it as read on the other girl’s end right away on accident.

Hope: oh hey amy, it’s been a while, huh? and of course i know it’s u, i gave u a contact name duhh. i am in LA too.

Hope: do u.. want to meet today?

Today? What the fuck? It was one thing to ask to see her, but that quickly.. Amy could’ve easily passed out. Her hands were sweaty. Hope actually wanted to see her, that was obvious through the messages. Or maybe it wasn’t? Amy wasn’t thinking properly, she wasn’t expecting such a quick reply or maybe even a reply at all. Amy didn’t really have a valid reason to stop texting Hope the last few months. Sure, she was busy with her work in Botswana and leaving Africa to travel back across the globe to her hometown, but no, not an excuse to ignore her.

amy: Shit, I mean yeah, ok. I landed yesterday, I’m still a little jet lagged but I’ve really slept it off I guess. And sorry for not texting you recently, I’d make up an excuse but I really don’t have one. I’m sorry, I’m still interested in talking to you and seeing you as well. Coffee later maybe?

Amy worried that maybe her text was a little too long, stacked with too much information to be read easily and probably would have come across to Hope as dorky. That’s just how Amy texted though, she knew she had a dorky personality and there was no point to try and forcibly change that. Molly had made her accept it at this point.

As she waited for a reply, Amy managed to crawl out of the top bunk, still feeling sleepy from the flight. She rubbed her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a thin white crop top that she usually only sleeps in, but occasionally would wear out with a friend or something. The gap between that and her sweatpants showcased her midriff, which she was insecure about. She was insecure about her whole body, and no matter how many times Molly screamed at her that she’s beautiful, it didn’t matter. She always wished she had a curvier body type, like Molly, who she was always jealous of. In Africa, she tried to pack on the pounds, but the amount of exercise she got mixed with her own fast metabolism wouldn’t allow it.

She rushed to her closet to find something to wear. Hope hadn’t even answered, and yet her brain was thinking of all the possibilities. Amy was an over thinker, obviously, and that showed all throughout her high school years. She thought way too much about Ryan, and what would happen if she was gay and if they did ever date. Molly always had to tell her something along the lines of, “Amy, stop thinking about it so much”. Still, she would persist, her brain having this special observant way that lead her entire life.

Amy took her shirt off, leaving her torso exposed, but she was alone in her room with her door shut. Whenever Molly would be at her house hanging in Amy’s room, her parents would always knock, because they’d thought something was going on between the two for so long. But otherwise, they usually didn’t knock on Amy’s door, which explained why she would always be caught reading during the hours her parents were up, and doing other things at very late hours in the night. But, now that Amy’s back in LA and is staying at her childhood home for the summer, her parents have finally given her some privacy upon acknowledging she is an adult.

She sat on her bed again, half naked, gripping her phone in her hands once hearing the notification that she’d gotten a text. From Hope, of course. Molly had texted Amy 10 minutes ago, whom she still hadn’t replied back to, so she didn’t expect it was her. Her eyes scrambled to read the text, scanning back and forth across the paragraph and swallowing hard, barely understanding what it said.

Hope: yeah that sounds good. i have a car now and can pick you up, so, 30 minutes?

Hope: and if u don’t mind, sending a pic of what ur wearing would be kinda cool of u! it’s been so long, just can’t remember what u look like... ;)

Amy’s heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. She completely ignored the fact that she only had 30 minutes to get ready and instead focused on the winky face in Hope’s text. And, the part where she said, “just can’t remember what you look like”... she was joking right? Amy was bad at this.

She figured she’d obey immediately, take a picture of what she was wearing. That’s when her face went red, because ironically, her tits were out and she was looking in the mirror across the bed at her naked self. Coincidence? Maybe so, but it got a laugh out of Amy, who was literally alone in her room. She jumped up to put the white crop top from her chair back on. She quickly slipped off her sweatpants, replaced her underwear with something lacy that she knew didn’t really matter, and pulled on faded ripped jeans with cuffs at the bottoms. Amy could acknowledge that it was a cute outfit, that she looked good. She had to ignore the crop top insecurities and just internally accept with herself that she simply is a smaller girl.

Amy attempted to take a picture in her full body mirror, trying out different poses that all looked unnatural. She wasn’t someone who took many pictures, especially of her whole body. But Hope has definitely done something to her to make her do it. She settled on a picture of her making a straight face, standing upright to show off her midriff. She almost didn’t want to send the photo, feeling like it was too suggestive, but she had to realize a stomach was not sexual. She advocates for women’s rights to wear what they want so much, yet she couldn’t take her own advice for this instance.

Without further hesitating and overthinking in classic Amy style, she captioned the picture and sent it.

amy: Attatchment: 1 image

amy: Yeah, 30 minutes sounds good:)

If only Amy knew Hope’s reaction to the picture in real life. No wonder she was typing for what felt like 10 minutes, but was probably 2. Amy worriedly looked over the picture, paranoid at anything at this point. Was the shirt too casual? Was it actually too revealing, though? Amy wasn’t wearing a bra, her chest could literally be seen through the thin white fabric and she had already sent the picture to Hope..

Amy cursed herself out, smashing down onto the bed, not really in a great mental state to be evaluating herself. It’s fine, it’ll be fine.

Clearly, she had never really sent a risky picture before. But the thing is, Amy knew the picture wasn’t really upfront and directly “risky”. It’s just that, upon realizing the shirt showed a lot of whats under it, and the photo captured that pretty well, it made her nervous. She wasn’t worried Hope wouldn’t like it, they’d seen each other in bras and their naked lower halves. But was it too much to send right away, after barely reconnecting for the first time in months? She was about to see her in a half an hour. Amy didn’t know how to do any of this. Socially, through text and in real life, she was not thriving.

Hope: god i hope u wear that today.

Amy was so flustered, her breath hitched and it felt as if her world was coming to a halt. That was a compliment, a hell of a one. There was a certain tone in Hope’s message that just.. it made Amy turned on, to be honest. Deep down, she really hoped that Hope was serious about wanting Amy to wear the outfit, because, well, she was planning on it. It was about time that Amy let go of the jumpsuits, the multiple layers of sweaters, and her overall nerdy attitude that went with it all. No, she wouldn’t be able to escape her own personality that easy. But, she could begin becoming a woman, the woman she very so wants to be. It was time to take risks. Like at Nick’s party a year ago, fuck whatever happens next. Less overthinking, more fucking doing.

-

Hope: i’m here

Amy heard a car honk the minute she got the text. Bringing nothing but herself, her phone, and a 20 dollar bill in her back pocket, she rushed out her front door to be greeted with a vintage looking car. Amy had no idea what model or year, because she knew nothing about cars, just that it looked old. Somehow, the light blue distressed vehicle couldn’t describe Hope more. She could imagine Hope with a camera of the same color and vintage feel as the car, and a room with 90s band posters and polaroids everywhere.

“Hey, nerd!” Hope didn’t give off such a tone quite often, but she sounded genuinely happy.

Amy could already feel her insides doing all sorts of things to the sound of Hope’s voice. It had been so long. The last time they saw each other in person was when Hope gave Amy her underwear back - and her phone number.

“Getting in?” Apparently, Amy was not present. She stood outside the passenger side of the car, where the windows were rolled down and Hope was staring at her, what felt like into her soul. Amy needed to stop thinking so much if she didn’t want everything to go to shit. Maybe this was why her social skills were always subpar.

“Hey, Hope, yeah.” Amy’s tone of voice was unexplainable, but recognizable nonetheless. It was filled with a certain excitement, and some nervousness, which was always really in her tone of voice anyway. She opened the door and lowered herself into the car, shutting the door and looking straight to Hope. This did not feel real.

“Last time I saw you, we were in this same spot outside your house.” Hope added. Her eyes scanned Amy’s body and appearance from her shoes up. She watched as Hope did this. Her full pink lips were parted ever so slightly, her eyes wide as usual. Hope’s hairdo for the day was something Amy had never seen before - she had pink butterfly clips above her temples, pulling the sides of hair back slightly and allowing the farther back pieces to fall forward toward her ears. She was wearing a pastel purple oversized T-shirt, which was tucked into skinny black jeans. The whole look was so Hope, yet Amy had never seen her dress in such ways. It was a nice sight.

“Y-yeah. I like your um,” Amy started, already failing to speak as she expected to happen. “The butterfly clips.” She pointed to Hope’s hair, and to her surprise, the girl’s face went red.

“Yeah, I’ve had them for a while. Just didn’t express myself quite like this at school, yknow?” Hope smiled, receiving an understanding nod immediately from the smaller girl.

Hope started the car, but didn’t begin to drive. Instead, she looked back at Amy. Her eyes flicked down to her chest, and back up. “That’s a nice shirt.” Her remark sounded so smooth, so endearing, and again, much of a turn on for Amy. It reminded her of the time she told her it was “a nice dress” the night of their bathroom hookup.

With no control at all, Amy’s face went red and she lost all words available. Hope was looking at her chest, she knew that. Yeah, it was risky to wear such an obviously revealing shirt with no bra out on a date, or whatever it was they were doing. But, that was the whole point, right?

“Th-thanks, yeah.” Amy had that giddy, geeky smile and sound in her voice that reminded Hope of the time she told her she “kinda knew what she was doing for someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing”.

Hope backed out of the pavemented driveway and began down the neighborhood to get onto the main road, where the coffee shop of their destination lied. Amy couldn’t stop looking over at Hope with her peripherals, she couldn’t help it. It felt so surreal for the both of them, to be reunited after a whole year. During the drive, Amy began to overthink and review their texts throughout her time in Botswana, which occasionally got a little hot and now it was making her feel some sort of way again. One time, Hope had texted her, “oh the things I would do if you were here” and that’s all Amy had on her mind until they reached the cafe. The ride was oddly silent, but she knew they would catch up better when they got inside.

Hope held the door for the shorter girl when they arrived, knowing she had an 8 inch height advantage. Amy settled on a booth by the window with the sun shining in, where they would be seated across from each other.

“So, how was Botswana?” Hope asked with total casualty. She talked with such ease. Amy swallowed her upcoming choke. “Good, good. Saving lives and shit.” Amy joked, knowing Hope knew about the whole making tampon deal.

“And shit? Amy’s a cusser now, I see?”

Amy blushed and looked down at the table between them. “I mean, I’ve always cussed, just usually around Molly or privately.”

“Molly, oh shit, I forgot about her.” Hope hadn’t heard of the name in a while, but from being in LA recently and around her old friends like Annabelle, she’d heard a couple mentions. “How is she doing? I didn’t know you were still friends with her.”

Amy smiled doubtingly. “Really? Cmon, I mean, we were inseparable all our lives, so we still are now.”

“But you were separated.” Hope smirked.

“Yeah, I know, and it fucking sucked.” Hope was not used to Amy swearing, it made her want to beam with happiness each time. Because, well, it was exciting to hear something new from the girl.

“You talk to Gigi or any of our high school class still? I mean, I don’t really. Just Annabelle.” The taller girl adjusted in her seat to a more comfortable position.

“No, but like, Gigi talks to me...If that makes sense. She’s pretty weird.” Amy laughed and blushed a little, because she couldn’t help but recall some of the weird shit she did, like smell Amy’s hair or tell her she loves her.

Hope giggled, seeing Amy’s flustered face. “I feel like I know nothing about you anymore. Let’s play a game to get to know each other?” She sounded sincere and looked at Amy with the same expression of sincerity. And Amy could just nod like a little child who didn’t know how to speak.

“Okay, so, who’s your celebrity crush and why?” Hope smirked mischievously, as she was going somewhere bad with this question. Amy didn’t hesitate. “Zendaya.”

Hope laughed at this answer, either because it was so predictable of any lesbian or totally who Amy would like. “Of course it’s Zendaya.”

Amy looked shocked. “W-what do you mean? Of course? Am I too predictable?”

The taller girl shifted in her seat again, a continuing smile on her face. She looked down at the table. “Well, she just seems like your type. Tall, skinny, little masculine and a little feminine..” Of course, Amy couldn’t pick up the hints that Hope was also describing herself.

“Yeah, whatever. Who’s yours then?”

Hope stopped to think with a considerable frown. “I don’t really have one, no. I don’t crush on celebrities.” Amy just laughed. “Well what the hell do you crush on then?”

“That’s a secret I’ll never tell.” Hope winked at her playfully, and Amy swore she couldn’t breathe for that second. It’s like her throat closed up, she felt her whole face on fire, and she couldn’t even swallow the dryness of saliva building in her mouth. She felt like she did with Ryan every day of her high school experience, shriveling up and shrinking down to nothing at the sight of the skater girl so far as waving to Amy. Except she was here, having a whole conversation with Hope in a coffee shop. And Hope acted as if she was into her. Amy wanted to show that she was interested too, but she had no idea where to even start. She wasn’t gonna say it.

Amy lifted her sweaty palms from her lap, resettling herself in the booth and resting her arms out on the table. Hope’s arms were crossed on the table, she stared at Amy like she had something planned.

“What’s the farthest you’ve gone with a girl romantically?” Hope sounded like she was fishing for something, but Amy couldn’t pin what. Instead, she considered telling Hope the farthest she’d gone was finger a butthole, but she couldn’t get herself to say it. The long moment of silence and the look of nervousness on the red head’s face caused Hope to rephrase her question. “Besides what you did with me.”

What you did with me. It rolled off her tongue so easily. Why did those 5 words sound so nice to Amy’s ears? It was like it never truly hit her that she had near had sex with the way out of her league girl sitting across from her. It felt unreal, like it happened ages ago or in a different lifetime. Or, it must’ve been a different girl, because Amy couldn’t comprehend that the casual, laid back, and incredibly hot Hope that was with her now was the same one naked beneath her that night.

She almost forgot she had a question she was answering.

“W-well, uhm, nothing really. Heh.” The way she answered told Hope all she wanted to know. She was still a virgin. A year later, and she still hadn’t done more than what they did in the bathroom together. On the other hand, Hope was already far experienced by now. Upon backpacking around LA and even out to New York and other spots of the country, Hope had many times with more than a handful of girls. That even included Annabelle, who became close with Hope after graduation and had their own moments of “just friends fooling around and shit”.

So, Hope just looked at Amy intently. “You ever hold hands with a girl?” Maybe this was what she was fishing for, after all. But Amy couldn’t tell. “No, not unless you count Molly-“

Hope’s big hand reached for Amy’s smaller hand on the table, intertwining fingers and prompting her to shut up immediately. The sun shone in on their booth through the window. Amy’s hand was pale, lightly freckled, and overall small with short fingers. Her nails were clipped promptly, leaving some whites but not a lot. Hope’s hand was way larger, a whole finger joint bigger. Her skin was a bit tanner, with boney long fingers covered in assorted rings. All she could do is stare at Amy’s beauty herself, look at her flustered freckled face and bright brown eyes in the sunlight. She was smiling bigger than Hope had ever seen, closest related to that of her smile at graduation in front of the whole crowd with Molly.

“I- I, uhm, aaah.” The girl looked away in various directions, not wanting to make eye contact with Hope. It wasn’t that it would be awkward. No, it was because the moment would be too real, and she knew Hope was already staring at her.

The sound of another human’s voice in their presence made Hope retract her hand, Amy doing the same. They looked over to greet the waiter. Hope ordered an iced americano, and Amy followed up with the same.

When the waiter left, Hope looked at Amy with wide eyes, like they wanted something from her. Neither girl had forgotten they had just held hands, and it felt nothing less than magical. “You drink americanos?” Hope saved Amy from talking about or reliving the moment they had before, seeing the girl was very awkward about it.

“I mean, no, but I just ordered what you ordered. I don’t really drink coffee.” Amy said seriously, but the other girl began to giggle. “You don’t have to get a coffee, they have like, other things here.” Hope smirked.

Amy opened her mouth, but didn’t speak right away. She swallowed, then continued. “Oh. Well, too late. I’ll get a taste of what you like, anyway.”

Hope wasn’t particularly sure why, but that sentence had her rolling on the inside. Most likely because get a taste of what you like could be interpreted inappropriately. Hope was lucky in that moment that she has a good poker face. So, she nodded and smiled. “Your turn to ask.”

Oh yeah. Amy forgot they were playing a game. It didn’t feel like a game, it felt like it was unprompted and raw and everything she wanted it to be. She missed the feeling of Hope’s hand already, and the feeling of their skin touching a year ago that she still remembered as if it were yesterday.

Amy pressed her lips together and scrunched her eyebrows as if she was thinking hard on what to ask. Truth is, she was. Hope found her thinking face extremely adorable, and more of a turn on than literally holding the girl’s hand in hers. “Okay, okay, I got one.” Amy seemed to be warming up around Hope’s presence, where at least her words began to sound normal and not a full stutter and choke.

“Who’s the last girl you.. yknow..” Of course Amy couldn’t say it, couldn’t just say sex out loud, at least in front of Hope. The other girl just laughed, and Amy knew she was laughing at her.

“The last girl I had sex with?” Hope had that evil smirk on her face, as if she knew the word would make Amy feel some type of way. It did, by the way. Amy’s body lit up in a way she didn’t know could just from hearing a simple fucking word she hears all the time. It was obviously because Hope said it, her voice sounding sexier than ever and just the thought of her having sex with any girl... Amy was literally getting sweaty and hot.

“I’m only going to tell you if you say the word, Antsler. Don’t be a prude, I might as well get up and leave if you-“ Hope was only joking when she said that, and only joking when she pretended to start getting up from the booth.

“-Fuck! The last girl you fucked.” Amy figured that was one step better than saying sex. She was not a prude, she was anything but, and in fact, she had been thinking rather naughty things about Hope the entire time they’ve been together. She hoped there was a way Hope could know she wasn’t some virginal prude without having to get all vulgar, but who really cared? They’d made out before, Amy would’ve literally fingered the girl had she not picked the wrong fucking spot to do so - there was no way Hope actually thought Amy was a prude. She was maybe even a little wet right now, just holding Hope’s hand and hearing that voice of hers.

Hope’s face looked exactly as it did the time Amy first decided to lean up and kiss her at Nick’s party. Her face was straight, but something about her eyebrows, eyes, and mouth proved that she was happy and impressed. Her lips were parted, just in the same way as that night, and Amy couldn’t help but literally stare. She could indulge in Hope’s lips for a lifetime and not be satisfied enough, it felt.

The intense stares, which was more like Amy mesmerized by Hope’s reaction and Hope mesmerized by Amy’s words, were interrupted by the waiter. “Two iced americanos.”

The drinks were set down on the table in front of the two in plastic cups with straws. Amy mumbled a small “thank you”, to which the waiter smiled and left. Hope never broke eye contact with Amy.

“Would you want to head back to my car, we can hang out there and drink these.” Amy wasn’t sure what Hope was getting at, but a more private place seemed among all the right ideas in her mind. The taller girl stood up first, which lead Amy to immediate confusion because they hadn’t paid for their drinks. However, she dropped $15 on the table, and to Amy’s surprise, held out her hand for her.

Her heart began to race, faster than it did when Hope was actually holding her hand previously. She reached up for Hope’s big hand, allowing the girl to assist Amy out of her seat. Hope dragged her behind her on their way out, and Amy was rambling about how she wanted to pay for the coffees and brought a lot of money to do so.

“It’s okay, I already paid for it and you’re just gonna have to deal with it.” Hope smiled as she gently let go of Amy’s hand, parting ways for a split second to get in on either sides of the car. Looking over at the small girl, Hope had a strong urge to just pick up Amy up and hold her. She was that much smaller than Hope, true, but also just that cute to her. She wanted to own every part of Amy’s body, to know every inch that nobody’s ever fully known before. She’d be the first person to completely see Amy in that state, and hell, she was the first person to see her partially naked, too.

The silence was heavy and the tension in the air was thick. Hope kind of just looked over into Amy’s lap, and Amy looked down into her own. The sun was shining into the passenger seat’s side, meaning Amy’s face was glowing just as it was in the diner. Hope could get lost in her freckled face and her slightly orange tinted brown hair.

“Did anyone ever tell you your freckles are like, the best thing ever?” Hope said this with such a soft, low and sincere voice, that it caught Amy off guard. A straight up compliment from Hope, it was quite crazy and a little odd. Nonetheless, it made Amy flustered as usual and unable to hold back a huge smile.

“My parents and Molly, yeah. They have said that. But, but not like..someone else besides them, no.” It seemed as if Amy wanted to say something else, wanted to say, “no, a girl as pretty and mesmerizing as you has never told me such a thing”. 

Hope just laughed, because frankly, she didn’t believe it. She had watched Amy throughout the years of school they shared together, and she really did find Amy attractive the whole time. But, people didn’t like Hope that much, because at first glance, she seems mean, and her first words are usually mean as well. Amy was lucky she got to break down that barrier and see a side of Hope, the real Hope, that she doesn’t show often.

The dark haired girl moved her hand from a resting position on the steering wheel to the console area between the two of them. She wanted to hold Amy’s hand again, but seeing that Amy’s hands stayed put in between her legs, it wasn’t going to happen without mention. And Hope certainly did not want to ask, because that would be too upfront of her. But Amy was so captivating that she wanted to touch her so bad, in any way possible.

“You never did answer my question.” Amy smirked in the same mischievous way Hope always did. It made her shift in her seat and face her.

“Promise me you won’t be mad, or like, super judgmental.” Amy was almost mad that Hope had said this, because of course Amy wouldn’t judge one’s sexuality. She didn’t actually care who Hope had last been with, unless maybe it was like Molly or something, who-

“It’s Annabelle.” Hope had a sorry look in her eyes, like Amy was gonna be mad or something. But no, she just sat there in a state of surprise, nothing major. “I mean, heh, I didn’t think she uh, swung that way.” Amy could just awkwardly chuckle. It kind of made her a little flustered to find out that the popular girl who was very confident in her sexuality, and very attractive may she add, was into girls too. It made Amy wonder how many queer girls she was missing out on in high school because she simply disregarded a lot of people she deemed as straight. Like Hope. She had no idea until she started kissing back that night.

“Yeah, I mean we’re just best friends, but we were super drunk and she just kissed me. She later told me that she kind of just wanted to navigate her sexuality with a girl, so I guess I was the subject of that.” Hope explained. “But, it doesn’t matter. Like a no feelings attached kind of thing. I’ve never really had meaningful sex, if that makes sense.” 

Amy nodded, but was internally thinking about how meaningful she considered their sexual encounter. They didn’t even have sex, but they almost did, and it’s all she could think about for a whole year whenever she became horny or got the urge to touch herself. If Hope felt the same, then that would make Amy near faint. She wouldn’t have the courage to ask, though. Instead, the two girls sit silent in a tension filled, sexually charged vintage car. Amy felt that maybe it was time she really just let go and express herself sexually, like she did that night, and show she’s not just a smart girl. She’s fun too, and she gets horny just as anyone else. Little did she know, Hope was thinking the same thing about her.

She could see on Amy’s face that she was turned on. Maybe it was from the mention that her and Annabelle had sex, and the image was already in her head playing like a movie. But really, Amy was feeling hot just from being near Hope.

Amy’s awkward voice broke the silence. “Maybe I should, uh, t-try this.” She was shaky as ever, and it almost made Hope that much more attracted to her, to see her acting in such a way. Amy picked up her coffee from the console and took a long sip from the straw. Following, she took another long sip. “It’s actually better than I expected.”

Hope laughed, because it made her feel all soft inside knowing that Amy likes her favorite drink. She got Amy into something she loves. She immediately felt some sort of deeper connection, like they’d been close for years when really they’ve never been super close - just the one time they were physical, and the friendly texts from across the world over the past year.

“Listen, I need to tell you something.” Hope sighed heavily, like her breath was weighted and she was strangled by it. Amy turned toward her to give her the full attention for it, but upon making eye contact with Hope, immediately regretted being so brave.

Amy set down her coffee, and Hope’s hand migrated slowly from the console between them, upward toward Amy. The back of her hand brushed lightly up her wrist, to the inside of her upper arm, up briefly over her breast, shoulder and neck, to reach the final destination of Amy’s cheek. Two fingers reached out to softly move her hair out of her face, exposing her entire freckled right cheek. In that moment, Amy wasn’t breathing. She sat still in the seat, letting Hope basically feel her up in a softer way than they once had. She felt her own nipple harden moments after Hope had brushed over it, but the taller girl wasn’t looking. She was staring intently at Amy’s face, the back of her hand still rested on Amy’s cheek.

“W-what did you want to tell me?” Amy found the courage to ask, finding that staring at Hope in total silence with her hand on her cheek was everything she wanted, yet totally gut wrenching. Hope looked as if she just barley snapped into reality, pulling her hand away and looking slightly upset. Quickly, a genuine smile formed on her face as she pulled her phone into her hand.

“That you should totally, totally listen to Lana Del Rey.”

The girl reached for the dashboard and turned up the volume, the beginning guitar of Brooklyn Baby playing loud through the car. Amy started laughing uncontrollably, because really, she was expecting something much more serious to come out of Hope’s mouth after that rather intimate moment. Seeing Hope choosing to not talk about what just happened, Amy followed lead and instead vibed with the other girl to the song, that was actually very good. Hope was getting her into a lot of things she liked, apparently.

Amy didn’t realize, but as they were driving to her house, Hope did look over at her chest. She did what she did in the car because she knew, based on Amy’s reaction to it, that she would be able to tell how she felt about Hope. And she could tell from just that, her bodily reaction, that there was a strong connection between the two of them that hadn’t gone away, even a year later.

-

By the time Amy had gotten Hope into her bedroom window, which mind you, she had never done before in her entire life of living there, the sun was already mostly set. They spent a lot of time driving around in the golden natural lighting, finishing their coffees and covering a whole lot of Lana Del Rey’s discography. Both girls couldn’t get the whole Hope-touching-Amy’s-cheek moment off their minds, but the rather strong coffee made Amy extra jittery, which naturally resulted in her ranting about her favorite movies and why they’re better than Hope’s. It’s safe to say they were getting alone and catching up after so many months of not talking enough as they should’ve.

Amy had to send Hope up the pipe on the side of her house in order to get the window unlocked and her friend inside. From there, Amy being a smaller package overall, Hope could help lift her into her room safely. She went downstairs immediately to say goodnight to her parents in order for them to leave her alone for the rest of the night. Doug and Charmaine claimed they didn’t see her come in the door, which, shit. She didn’t really think about that. But, despite being terrible at lying to her parents, she managed to convince them she was quiet and came in the kitchen door, which was out of sight from where they were sitting in the living room.

When Amy scaled the stairs hastily to get back to Hope, she found the tall girl hunched over in the bottom bunk, just sitting and observing the room.

“This is exactly what I expected your room to look like.” Hope smirked as Amy shut the door quietly and approached her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Hope gestured to the wall with her eyes. “Protest signs and posters, books everywhere. It’s so...you.”

Amy smiled wider than ever, because she was glad Hope was so observant. She had noticed the little, yet extremely important things of Amy’s life that she cherished most, hence why they have such a presence in her bedroom.

“T-thanks.” The classic, geeky Amy was back. Her smile was awkward, her stance in the middle of the room with her arms hanging out of place was awkward, her giddy look at Hope was awkward. It made her feel so certain about her desires for Amy, though. It was just too hard to admit in Hope’s brain, that she liked her and felt all these amazing things.

“That is Molly’s bed though. Trust me, she will smell you on it. You’d better get up, my bed has room for two.” Amy had no idea how suggestive that sounded to Hope, who was raising an eyebrow as if Amy was suggesting something of them. “I mean like, you know, we can lay down and watch Netflix or something.” She corrected herself, because frankly, she knew she was bad at communicating and knew that sounded wrong.

Amy hadn’t had a sleepover with anyone besides Molly in, well, she didn’t even know how long. Something about Hope climbing onto her top bunk bed just looked so...right. Hesitantly, she grabbed her laptop and climbed up after Hope, settling on one side of her pillow. She laid down with her back upright against the headboard, Hope following lead and doing the same. She left a respectful one inch gap between the two, because, well, she didn’t want it to look like they were cuddling or something. Though, she desperately wanted to. Amy set the laptop on both of their legs so it was in the middle of both of them. And Hope couldn’t help but observe how Amy comfortably sat in her own bed, like she was at ease to be in her own room and not Hope’s for the night. She observed how the smaller girl was so much lower than her, the top of her head basically at Hope’s eye level as they sat together. Her computer background was some artsy and poetic quote from what she assumed was a feminist author’s book. The user login on the startup screen said, “Amy Antsler :p”. It couldn’t have gotten dorkier than that.

As Amy pulled up Netflix on Google, Hope listened intently to her deep and audible breaths. They were so soft, like Hope could fall asleep to hearing them all night. In fact, she would get to listen to those when they were to sleep later. Amy’s exposed stomach rose up and down as she breathed in and out, the edge of her white crop top resting on the slight protrusion of her abdomen. Amy was so skinny and small, that when she laid back as they were doing, her stomach was still flat. Hope almost got jealous, but then she put aside her own body dysmorphia to realize she didn’t have rolls when she laid down, either.

The waistband of Amy’s faded ripped jeans were calling Hope’s name. It felt like her jeans had a pair of eyes, and were staring straight at her. She just wanted to reach over, slip her hand under those goddamn jeans, and do god-knows-what to little Amy. With this thinking, she wouldn’t even be able to last a Netflix film, or even a 20 minute episode of a Netflix original, without acting up or making a move. Hope decided to quite literally stop her mind, halt her thinking and focus on the laptop screen instead, which now showcased scrolling through the website for something to watch.

“Is Space Force okay? I watched the first episode on the plane ride home, it was actually pretty funny.” Amy started, hovering the cursor over the cover photo for the show. “I mean, if you like comedies, of course. W-we can choose something else instead.”

Hope’s hand kind of involuntarily twitched in Amy’s direction, limply landing itself between their thighs. “No, no, that sounds great. Let’s do it.” She smiled and allowed Amy to proceed with playing the show, beginning episode 2. Of course, this led to the girl explaining in a dorky and long winded way that Steve Carell’s character worked for the United State’s all new Space Force.

They laughed throughout a few episodes, because they’re so short, but remained mostly still. At one point, Amy’s head kind of relaxed from it’s stiff-neck position and headed toward the direction of Hope’s shoulder, but didn’t rest on it. Honestly, Amy holding her head only centimeters away from her shoulder without actually touching it looked painful. So, she didn’t really think too much about it - she just shifted her body over that extra inch, closing the dreadful gap between their bodies and Amy’s head now finally resting on her.

“Thanks, I mean, my neck kind of hurts from holding back.”

Holding back. Amy was holding back from touching her head to Hope, for a reason she probably knew if she thought about it. Instead, she moved her arm around Amy’s shoulders in a comforting way. Her breath hitched and she could barely believe that Hope was holding her in her arms, in her own bed at 9 pm. Hope decides that Amy’s altered breathing was the cutest thing ever, and she didn’t wanna hear anything else in that moment. The show was interrupting them at that point.

Amy’s arm was hot, her skin warming Hope’s hand like a radiator. This was what they never had in high school. They both had wanted this, Amy with another person, respectively, but Hope was getting what she always wanted. Not just to be with a girl, but to be with Amy, the dorky girl in her grade who liked girls and was so strong in what she wanted. Yet here she was, timid to declare anything of herself, couldn’t even get herself to rest her head on Hope’s shoulder. Her shyness was one of the most attractive things about her, in Hope’s complex mind.

Amy laid against the taller girl, nerves running high within her body and her mind completely unable to focus on the show. She was honestly impressed by how well she had done so far, texting Hope first and not the other way around. She had acted surprisingly fine when Hope had touched her earlier, and while she didn’t know how to react or handle such a moment, she didn’t ruin it with some amateur geeky sentence or something. And now, she was just accepting the fact that she was in Hope’s arms in a bed, she wasn’t saying anything out of pocket or embarrassing. It felt good to be casual, or at least try to be, and pretend like, yeah, it’s no big deal. We’re just laying in bed together.

That was, until, the episode ended and Hope moved the laptop off their legs. She laid down a little more, put her head on the pillow causing Amy to do the same. They turned to face each other, and being on Amy’s childhood twin bed, they were pretty close together.

“What’s up?” Amy couldn’t help but ask, in a forced casual voice, but her shakiness was showing and Hope could tell. Amy didn’t know what was up, because she was planning on watching another episode with Hope and staying like that all night..

“Nothing, my neck just hurts and I wanted to lay down for a bit.” The excuse even sounded like total bullshit when it came out of Hope’s mouth. “Is that okay? We can watch the next episode if you want.”

Amy really didn’t wanna mess this up. “No, no, this is fine.” She was looking down, and Hope’s head being slightly above hers on the pillow due to the height difference, she was looking down at Amy. The shirt just couldn’t stop fucking catching her attention.

“I really like that shirt, Amy.”

The redhead’s heart fluttered, her face grew red instantly again and she did not know how to respond. That had to be, like, the 10th time Hope had brought up the fucking shirt. Honestly, it was flattering that she couldn’t stop bringing it up. But Hope saying Amy’s name to her, it just hit a certain spot that made her weak.

“I’m afraid you’ve said that to me, like, a lot.” Amy giggled, causing Hope to lightly scoff, embarrassed she had caught on to her consistent compliments. “It’s a white shirt, what the fuck is there to like about it?” She had her own insecureness showing, already aware of why Hope liked it but confused nonetheless that it was at all impressive.

Hope shifted, the sound of her lips parting being the only noise for a good 10 seconds. “Well, I think that...I think it really shows off parts of your body..yeah.” Hope was now the one with the awkward inflictions, making it pretty apparent that she had a weakness, whether it was the shirt or Amy herself.

This caused Amy to smirk innocently, lifting her hand to her exposed midriff. “What parts? My stomach?”

Hope’s eyes flicked down to Amy’s stomach, where her hand was lightly grasping the edge of the t shirt above it. Hope almost choked just seeing Amy have her own self awareness like that, where for once she was possibly acknowledging that she was hot and knew what she was doing.

“Yes.” Hope breathed in deeply, suddenly reaching her hand for Amy’s and lightly moving it upward so she was touching her own chest. “But I was thinking maybe more like here.”

Amy’s stifled reaction and already hardened nipples made Hope weak inside, though she chose to keep that secret. And Amy had no idea her hand being guided onto her own breasts by Hope’s hand could feel so good.

The large hand migrated from Amy’s small hand up to her shoulder, where she felt her shirt being gently moved off it. “No bra?” Hope observed the lack of bra straps, and with Amy’s nipples visible through the shirt, it was safe to assume she was free chested under said shirt. Hope laughed with a scoff, like she was impressed, but bothered by it nonetheless.

Shaking her head like she had no other option, not even to speak, Amy looked up at Hope with an innocent, yet lustful look. Her face was red, it was clear she didn’t know how to take compliments or the touch of a hand. Thinking back, Hope actually felt bad that she kind of let the natural way of things get ahold of them, leaving Amy to top her in the bathroom that night. She should’ve known she wouldn’t know what she was doing, and even if she did, Hope wanted more desperately to touch and get to know all of Amy before even beginning to receive anything herself. 

Hope noticed the expression on Amy’s face; she looked like she was going to burst and blow up. “Hey, relax, I’ll leave you alone.” Hope moved her hand respectively to her own space, reaching toward the laptop on the bed to get back to what they were really supposed to be doing. 

Something must’ve snapped into little Amy though, because her hand was suddenly reaching for Hope’s arm. She didn’t want the laptop on their laps, she wanted to be on Hope’s lap. So, she made the move, figuring that, fuck it, I’m an adult virgin and Hope is right fucking here.

Amy climbed over into Hope’s lap in one swift movement, a huge surge of confidence hitting her like a brick. Instinctively, like they shouldn’t even need to kiss first, Hope’s hands grabbed the edges of Amy’s god-damned-fucking-white-crop-top and pulled it over her head. It’s probable that the girl beneath her had forgotten she wasn’t wearing a bra, because Amy’s naked chest releasing from the pull of the shirt made her heart drop into her stomach. Hope’s mouth went dry, she couldn’t even begin to move. She just gawked at poor Amy’s naked torso, which respectively, was massively attractive and quite possibly the hottest thing Hope had ever looked at.

Amy felt super embarrassed in that moment. Her tits were out, Hope was staring at them with her mouth hung open, and she wasn’t sure if she should take the plunge to kiss her. Amy’s hands got super sweaty, and they hung awkwardly by her sides as her upper chest and face grew hot. What were they doing? It’s like they both had the attraction, and Amy liked to think that Hope had been daydreaming about her all day too, but they suddenly didn’t know how to act on it. One thing was for certain, though, that Amy did not want to fuck anything up between them.

In that moment, Hope took the dive instead and found her two hands on either sides of Amy’s hips, gently dragging themselves up her torso. Amy had no idea what to do, so she sat there still, looking down at Hope’s hands traveling her own body. When the large set of hands reached her chest, her two thumbs casually walked themselves over Amy’s nipples, then subconsciously they were dragging back downward again. Up and down, up and down - her other four fingers on both hands gripped around the backside of Amy. It was in that moment that the freckled girl had realized just how big Hope’s hands were, which was much easier to understand not when their hands are intertwined, but when she’s got them wrapped around her sides and thumbs still managing to reach her nipples.

It felt good for Amy in all the right ways. Her head tilted back slightly, unable to continue watching because her mind wanted her to float away onto something else. Amy’s mouth hung open slightly, like she could make a noise if she wanted, but she didn’t really know how that all worked. Was it too soon or too needy to be moaning when Hope’s only touching her chest? And the tension between them due to the fact that they still hadn’t kissed in a year, it was killing the both of them.

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” Hope’s voice had a completely new sound to it, one that took Amy by surprise and actually caused her to look down at Hope’s eyes. And Hope wasn’t even checking out Amy’s body anymore, she wasn’t focused on that. Her eyes were very obviously flicking all around Amy’s face, from her eyes to her cheeks to her lips. 

Amy did what she usually did - looked up at the ceiling for social relief. Looking Hope in the eyes was painful in the sense that the tension was too much and the moment was too real. Her chest was moving so fast because she was breathing so heavy, and Amy wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore. “I-, y-you’re just saying that.” She shook her head disapprovingly, like she was not only self conscious with herself but pretty pessimistic that Hope didn’t really mean it.

Hope’s facial expression quickly turned to a flavor of hurt, and her hands moved from Amy’s sides to resting on the top of her clothed thighs. “Hey, no, I’m not.” Hope had to regather her calm to continue. “You’re very stupid if you think I’m not completely mesmerized by you. Everything you do.”

She didn’t wanna get too deep, at least not yet, because she felt it would be embarrassing for herself to explain to a half naked girl in her lap that she’s had a desperate crush on her for years. Amy’s reaction was nice, though, because she had a smile she couldn’t hold back and she was avoiding Hope’s eyes.

“I, um, I-“ Amy simply didn’t know how to respond. Nobody had ever liked her, not a single person in grade school or high school had ever had a crush on her that she knew of. So hearing Hope tell her how much she mesmerizes her? It was a win for Amy, for sure, however she couldn’t make up any compilation of words that could appropriately respond to that.

Hope kind of snapped out of her daze, lifting her hands off Amy’s thighs and putting them to herself. “I’m sorry, uhm, we don’t, uh, we don’t have to do this. I’m sorry.”

Amy was tremendously upset that Hope was trying to apologize, as if she even did anything wrong. Feeling like Hope maybe wasn’t going to continue, and things clearly needing to be hashed out, she pulled herself off the taller girl’s legs and rested beside her again. Amy grabbed her shirt that was earlier recklessly thrown to the side and threw it back on, her hair bunched up under the collar and once again, her nipples poking through the shirt.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s okay. I just, I don’t know what to say, really. Nobody’s ever liked me before. It’s all new to me. I don’t... I don’t know how to react to all that stuff.” Amy began to explain, but Hope looked confused as to what she meant. “L-like with, with someone else touching me. I don’t really know how to deal with it.”

Immediately, Hope caught on and a sorry face wiped over her expression. “Hey, it’s okay. I should’ve known better, I didn’t have to do that, especially without asking. So, yeah, I am sorry.”

Now Hope was just getting the wrong idea. Amy loved Hope’s touch, couldn’t she see that when she was practically a second away from letting out a literal moan? Amy didn’t know if she was ready for sex, because like she said, it was hard to react to and handle someone else touching her. It’s not like she was a touch-me-not, she’s had a longing to have sexual experiences with girls since the beginning of her own self discovery as a teen and she sees no problem with being the one that’s pleasured. But having no experience with it whatsoever, Amy didn’t know how to handle something like that.

So, Amy decided to take Hope’s hand lightly. “Thank you. It’s okay. If it makes it any better...I um, I did really enjoy it. I just - yeah. I’m uh, I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” Amy let go of her hand and climbed down the bunk, leaving Hope alone on the bed and not sure what to do with that new information. I mean, at least she admitted she liked it. That was a good sign.

“Is it okay if I shut this light off?” Amy reached for the lamp next to Molly’s bed as Hope nodded that it was okay. She switched it off, leaving the room dark and instinctually walked toward where she knew the door was. She shut it behind her and entered the bathroom next door.

Amy immediately pulled out her phone and rested against the sink in distress. She had a few unread messages from Molly, and though Molly is not one to be a very calming presence, she figured it could take her mind off things and calm her down.

Molly: Hey ames

Molly: Hello?

Molly: You need to tell me how things are going with Hope. I’m getting nervous.

Molly: Please!!

Molly: ✂️✂️

Amy had to admit, the scissors truly were a great addition. Though not helpful in the current situation whatsoever.

Amy: Yes hi I’m sorry molls, I’ve been focused on hanging with Hope so I haven’t seen your messages till now.

Amy: Honestly I need advice and help like asap so please do respond.

Molly: OF COURSE!! that’s me, I’m here!

Amy: Okay, so I basically got on Hope’s lap and she took my shirt off and saw my boobs naked and we like did things but not like things things you know, I’m hiding in the bathroom because she said she’s sorry and she shouldn’t have done that to me but I liked it but I’m just too scared to have sex I think I don’t know

Amy sighed and dropped her phone down onto the sink, turning to look at herself in the mirror. Somehow, her face was still flushed. Something in her mind was telling her to lift her shirt up in the mirror and look at her chest, so, well, she did. She missed Hope’s hands on them. She thought they looked okay for a basic pair of boobs, but she definitely didn’t see what Hope saw in them.

Molly: Wow that was very confusing, wtf Amy.

Molly: So let me get this straight you’re saying you fucked Hope and now you’re scared you’re not ready to have sex even though you .. just did ???

Amy: No no oh my god we didn’t have sex that’s the whole point.

Molly: So what the fuck do you mean by “things” Amy. save me the time and literal thought of it and just tell me what happened between you two

Amy: Like I said I got on her lap and she took my shirt off, and well she touched my.. yknow. And I just sat there like a dumbfuck while she fucking rubbed my nipples oh my god I’m so STUPID. we didn’t even kiss or do anything else, this is so ridiculous

Amy: I don’t even know what’s going on between us, but she told me that “everything about me mesmerizes her”. And that she’s liked me all through high school and just didn’t speak up I guess??

Molly: Wow, Amy, I mean yeah..that doesn’t sound like something someone would just say in order to get in your pants. So she really likes you then?

Amy: Apparently so, I mean the girl literally made like 3 comments about the fucking shirt I was wearing until she finally took it off and saw under it for herself.

Molly: Whew, that’s.. Honestly I’m happy for you about that part though, nothing like a little steamy lesbian moment✂️✂️

Amy: Enough with the scissors omg

Molly: What shirt is it that you wore?

Amy: It’s just a plain white crop top t shirt.

Amy: Idk why it’s making her whipped but now her being whipped is making me whipped

Amy: Okay that’s a lie maybe I do see why, it’s because I made the great decision not to wear a bra under it.

Molly: AMY!!! fucking scandalous!! Taking her breath away like that you’re only allowed to do that to ME!!

Amy: Molly ty I love you, just please help what do I do I can’t spend forever in here hiding

Molly: I mean you like her in the same way too right? you’re just not ready to do the do?

Amy: Yeah I mean I really do like her, she’s fucking amazing, my face is always red when I’m around her. She makes me feel good, and I like what she... did to me, I guess, I enjoyed it I’m just not ready for more. But maybe I am?

Molly: Well there’s only one way to find out, I say experiment or try shit and if it feels too much for you you can always tell her to stop. If she doesn’t get the hint and does ANYTHING you don’t want her to do I will literally fucking come kill her myself right now.

Amy: Yes okay thanks Molly, I love you.

Amy: I wish you were here. I miss you already.

Molly: I mean I could come over and crash that shit..

Amy: NO, no. I have business to get back to. Thanks again Molls

Molly: No problem.

Molly: Tell me about how the ✂️✂️ went tomorrow!!

Amy rolled her eyes, then checking the time on her screen to make sure she hasn’t been in the bathroom for 20 fucking minutes. It had only been 4 minutes. Apparently, Molly and Amy are both fast texters and fast repliers. Thank god for that.

Meanwhile, Hope had been overthinking the fuck out of the entire situation, just as Amy was a room away. Did I fuck everything up? Should I not have touched her? She DID climb onto MY lap, so..

Hope couldn’t calm her thinking. She was anxious, hot, and bothered. She just wanted Amy again. In whatever way that entailed - watching Netflix together, or cuddling, or touching each other.. whatever it was. She wanted it with Amy, right now.

Amy checked out her face and body from afar once more in the mirror, tucking the lone strands of hair behind her ears and leaving the bathroom. She re-entered the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her and navigating her way to the bunk beds. She carefully climbed back up to be greeted by Hope sitting upward. The dim light of the laptop, screen half shut, was the only thing providing the slightest amount of light enough to show basic expressions on Hope’s face and where she was sitting on the bed.

“Hey.” There was that giddy voice of Amy’s again, and it warmed Hope just hearing it. She crawled toward the brunette and sat criss cross in front of her, facing directly toward each other. “Sorry, I was just freshening up.”

Hope smirked. “Freshening up for what? To sleep?” Amy laughed, but couldn’t tell if the girl was serious. “Is that what we’re doing, going to sleep?”

Hope shrugged, looking into Amy’s eyes with genuine care. “If you want to, we can. I just wanna make clear, that like, what I did, I’m sorry. I know I said that already, but like, I was wrong for not communicating so if I hurt you, I didn’t mean it. I would never do that to you, or anyone.”

Amy wanted to break down crying right then and there. Did Hope really think she assaulted her or something? That was completely consensual, in fact, she wished it could happen again over and over.

“No, no, stop. That was consensual, Hope. I climbed on your lap, I let you take off my shirt and honestly I did enjoy it. Please get that through your head. It was really good. You didn’t do anything to me, in a bad way like you think.” She grabbed Hope’s hands and gave them an assuring shake, because she absolutely needed Hope to understand that.

“Wow, yeah, okay. Yeah.” Hope herself sounded whipped, like she couldn’t communicate to Amy’s face because it was just too real. That part was true. It was so real, and what Hope always wanted. She didn’t think things would go this way, but she couldn’t find herself complaining at all.

“So, Netflix or sleep?” Amy asked, scooching next to Hope and laying back as they were before. Hope scent wafted into Amy’s presence from the movement, and wow, she smelled amazing.

“I don’t mind. It’s up to you, really. If you’re tired, we could just..” Hope started, but didn’t finish, seeing as she was already adjusting herself laid down next to Amy, facing her but not completely in her space.

“Heh, okay, yeah.” Amy giggled at the sight of a tall, long Hope laying in her small twin bed, eyes fluttering as if she could shut them and fall into a slumber at any moment. “Goodnight, then.”

With that, Hope pulled her own shirt off casually, leaving her in a black bra that left very little to the imagination. Amy tried not to stare and closed her eyes, which she assumed Hope was now doing the same. Surprisingly, she was, rather than staring at the beautiful sight she had in front of her. Maybe, she just didn’t want to be seen as creepy for watching Amy fall asleep.

However, both girls were in fact not asleep. Within 5 minutes, Amy had opened her eyes to see Hope’s closed just as she thought. Her breathing sounded deep, so she assumed she was asleep or at least on the verge by now. God, Hope was beautiful. She really was. Amy adored her eyes, her big lips, her entire facial structure. She looked so good in that bra, too. She was so goddamn pretty.

The smaller girl leaned forward without hesitation and planted a long kiss on Hope’s bare shoulder, the taste of her skin sweet and the feeling on her lips being very warm. Little did she know, Hope was wide awake, hidden under her closed eyelids and trying to hold back a smile or movement at all. She felt the wetness of Amy’s lips on her shoulder, and in that moment she just wanted to open her eyes and kiss Amy so badly. Now, she wouldn’t ever be able to fall asleep.

Hope felt Amy’s weight on the bed shift back to where she was laying, and Hope missed her touch already. Amy’s breathing picked up, as if it was deeper and she was finally falling asleep. So, Hope opened her eyes but didn’t move, because her plan was to kiss Amy back. However, she was greeted by the smaller girl spread out wider than she was before, hidden mostly under the blankets, and..moving back and forth? Hope tried to quietly shift upward a bit to see what Amy was doing, and that’s when it hit her - was she touching herself?

That butterflies feeling hit Hope’s stomach so hard as she watched - she couldn’t see anything, but it would explain the heavy breathing and the movement under the blanket. Just the thought of Amy being so hot and bothered by their encounter earlier, that she just had to touch herself right then and there, with Hope asleep on the same bed...it was making her feel a certain way.

She wasn’t sure if it was right to let Amy know she was awake, but she didn’t want to just watch and pretend she didn’t see anything the next morning. That would be...too hard to hide. So, Hope’s hand lifted to gently touch Amy’s shoulder, which startled the girl and caused her to turn around slightly.

“H-Hope, I-“ Before Amy could try to explain anything, she saved her the embarrassment and scooted closer behind her, in the position of the big spoon. She planted a couple kisses on the side of Amy’s neck, making her squirm slightly.

“You can keep going, don’t stop for me, Amy.” Hope knew what she was doing when she whispered this rather seductively in Amy’s ear, making her whole body shudder from the sound of her voice.

Hesitantly, the smaller girl began to move her hand again, picking up the heavy breathing again as Hope’s hand joined in unison with hers. She placed her hand on top of Amy’s and helped her massage in the same rhythm the smaller girl had going. Hope’s other hand travelled up her backside and tangled itself in her hair softly, rustling through strands of the auburn hair in admiration of her beauty. Her lips continued to kiss and eventually rest on Amy’s neck, petting the back of her head as she came undone. Her quiet little squealing noises were turning on the bigger girl so much, but she didn’t act on anything seeing as it wasn’t about her. And, she didn’t want it to be. This was perfect.

The silence between them after Amy’s breathing slowed down was never broken, and she seemed to fall asleep pretty quickly after what her body had just felt and experienced. The guide of Hope’s hand led her to climax faster than she had ever been before, which only solidified the girl’s attraction to her.

Hope just continued spooning Amy from behind, her hand still on top of Amy’s resting loosely in front of them on the bed. Hope honestly couldn’t believe what just happened. It was late, and the room was dark, and Amy fucking Antsler decided to masturbate in the same bed as Hope. She really couldn’t help herself, and it made her weak just thinking about it. She must’ve reviewed the scene, as well as the earlier sight of Amy’s bare breasts, in her head over 20 times before her brain drifted off to think about other random things, until finally, she fell into a content slumber.

-

The 9 am light shining through the thin white curtains of Amy’s one windowed room awoke Hope first, who kissed Amy’s neck where her head had rested during their sleep. The movement of the now awakened girl had also abruptly woken up Amy, who turned around to see someone spooning her - that didn’t usually (ever) happen.

“Good morning.” Hope whispered while looking into Amy’s small-pupil eyes, still drowsy from just waking up. And right away, all the memories from last night came flooding in. Amy didn’t know whether to feel embarrassed or flattered. She didn’t even know if that counted as sex. Maybe she shouldn’t have even chose to touch herself in the same bed as Hope anyway, because she was afraid that now things between them were weird.

So, Amy just groaned rather than saying anything, smiling as she expressed her obvious sleepiness. “How did you, uh, how did you sleep?” Hope felt foolish to stutter asking such a simple question, because she had no reason to be nervous.

Amy giggled, because her real answer was gonna be, It was amazing because sleeping after a hot girl assists you to your orgasm is the best feeling ever. But, instead, she went with a simple, “good”.

Hope smiled at her and seemingly wasn’t going to say anything else, but Amy wasn’t finished with any of it.

“Listen, Hope, I uh, I really like you.” At this point, Amy had flipped around to turn facing Hope. “I think you’re amazing, you’re so beautiful and you’re so kind to me for no reason at all. Ever since our encounter at Nick’s party last year, it hasn’t gotten off my mind all the time I was in Africa, I swear. It was amazing, I felt so connected to you and nobody has, nobody has ever like, wanted to do that with me. So that was cool. And last night, last night was great. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before.”

Hope felt as if her insides were dancing, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She knew Amy liked her to some extent, that was obvious, but Hope’s own self discredit lead to her thinking it was just Amy “trying to be nice” or something. But no, Amy really liked her, and Hope liked Amy more than she could ever truly express.

“I could say the same things and more about you.” Hope beamed, because both of them had successfully got their feelings of their chest, and it felt so good. 

Amy blushed and looked down. Hope couldn’t help but think, how does she not realize how cute she is? What made Amy even more appealing was that the shyness and the constant blushing - it wasn’t an act. She really reacted to anything and everything that way, and it was massively cute. Hope couldn’t see her face in the dark last night, but she figured while she was helping her, Amy was blushing like crazy.

“Can we, uh, do you wanna play that game again?” Hope prompted, fiddling with the edge of the pillowcase. Amy made a confused expression. “The one we played at the coffee shop.”

“Oh, oh, yeah, okay. Sure.” Amy smiled, because she was already prepared for whatever Hope was going to ask her. Now that she had spat out her true feelings, it felt so freeing, like they had nothing between them anymore and could do whatever they wanted together.

“...How would you rate last night?” She was smirking, interested to hear Amy’s answer and to see her most definitely shy about it.

“The parts where you were touching me, ten out of ten.” Amy said this surprisingly confidently, taking Hope by surprise.

“Oh yeah?” Hope’s face was hovering close to Amy’s, her eyes flickering all over various parts of her face. Amy, on the other hand, wasn’t even trying to hide it - she was staring straight at Hope’s lips.

“C-can I ask you something?” Amy asked softly.

“That’s what this game is for, yeah.” Hope laughed lightly.

“Why’d you do it?” When Amy saw that the topic wasn’t registering in Hope’s brain, she elaborated. “Last night, like, helped me...you know.”

“Because I like you. And, I mean, I already saw you doing it, I wasn’t just gonna like, pretend you weren’t.” Hope explained almost innocently.

Amy nodded, taking it all in and trying not to become a nervous wreck.

“Would you, um, want to do that again sometime?” Amy chapped her lips together, her mouth searching for moisture but struggling to get it in the moment. Hope’s eyebrows raised and her eyes widened, because she wasn’t expecting something so upfront, but she couldn’t find it in herself to complain at all.

“I would like that.” Her eyes were looking at Amy’s lips, but the shorter girl sat up and broke her line of sight. She smiled, because, well, it was hard for Amy to just pretend she totally wasn’t excited for this apparent upcoming repeat of last night. She wouldn’t yet admit it to herself, but she was afraid to really confront her feelings for Hope, because if that meant kissing her - it was all too nerve racking. Seeing her naked body felt like a different realm that was somehow much, much easier to live through. They both wanted that kiss, she could feel the literal pull of energy between their faces so close together.

Hope sat up after Amy. “Your parents don’t know I’m here?”

She sighed. “No, they don’t. It wouldn’t be a problem, of course, but like, really the reason I snuck you in was to save both of us the embarrassment from them, so-“

The taller girl already began climbing off the bunk, a lighthearted scoff coming from her throat as she pulled her purple t shirt back on. “I get it, I have to jump out your window. Alright, Antsler, very classy.”

The two giggled together as Amy descended the structure as well, getting closer to Hope with every step and looking up into her gaze. “I will text you, I swear.” Amy’s tone was promising enough for Hope. “Okay.”

For a second, there was an awkward moment where Amy felt like she wanted to jerk forward and connect their lips, and in the moment a goodbye kiss felt appropriate, but it was never initiated. Instead, they just looked into each other’s eyes intently with big smiles before Hope made her departure. Amy looked down as Hope held herself tight to the pipe on the side of the house, before making what seemed like a large jump (though Hope’s long legs made for quite an advantage) to the ground.

One last moment of smiles were shared between the two before Hope walked off to her car parked at the side of the street rather than the driveway. Amy shut her window, watching the girl drive away.

For the rest of the day, Amy couldn’t help but wonder just how fucking deep their dynamic had to be in order for them to have had two sexual experiences by now, yet still not kissed since the night before graduation. They both wanted to, but it didn’t happen, which almost in a way felt like the right thing to do. It didn’t feel rushed, their feelings were expressed yet the long awaited reunion of their lips lived to wait another day - and that was okay.

In fact, it made life much more exciting for the two to know they had much more coming for them, and after all, there was nothing wrong with a little slow burn.


	2. you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn’t expect this to get hits and kudos and comments so quick, but it did! thank you for reading, it’s inspired me to write more in general and i like having a place to put it if i so choose to. this chapter is inspired by the song “daylight” by taylor swift, hence the chapter title.
> 
> i swear, not all of this will be taylor inspired... her lyrics are just so great omg
> 
> and this chapter is a lot shorter than the first one, sorry about the inconsistency.

“Amy. Amy, fucking look right now!”

Molly was nearly hysteric, her eyes wide at her phone screen and practically jumping around on her bed in Amy’s room. The shorter girl turned to Molly, who was looking at herself in the mirror on the wall.

“Jesus christ, what?” Molly’s energy, you could say, was kind of getting to Amy. After spending a day with Hope, she wasn’t hearing the end of it, which was appreciated that her best friend cared but annoying nonetheless.

“Tanner fucking texted me! I’ll read it to you.”

This took Amy by surprise, who was now sitting next to Molly on her bed. Tanner didn’t talk to them, even in high school, and she wasn’t even sure why he had Molly’s number.

“It says, ‘Hey Molly, I was just wondering if you and Amy wanted to come to the high school reunion at Nick’s tonight, just like old times. Assuming you and Amy are still together. Let me know if you can go.” Amy’s eyebrows furrowed as she listened to Molly read off the text.

“Wait, did he say together, like we’re dating?”

“Nobody thinks we’re dating, Ames. Don’t be ridiculous. Plus, this is fucking great! I mean, a reunion at Nick’s? I wonder who’s gonna be there. How the fuck did we even get invited, like, holy shit!”

“Well, to say that we’re together is kind of-“

“No time, love! We got to get ready.”

Amy scoffed at Molly. “We don’t even know what time it’s at.”

Molly laughed at Amy’s doubtfulness. “Okay, so I’ll ask. You better be excited about this, Ames.”

The redhead looked down and twiddled her fingers together. “I mean, depending on who will be there-“

“Oh my god. You can’t seriously be afraid to see your lesbian anal lover. This could be your chance, if anything, to like, I don’t know! Finally kiss her?” Molly stood in front of Amy, like she was giving one of her many pep talks. Amy was obviously required to tell Molly all the details about yesterday, and while the other girl was happy for her, she still wished Amy had just kissed Hope. Because now, it was the only thing on Amy’s mind and a huge regret that she didn’t kiss her.

“Okay, don’t call her that, and I’m not fucking anyone. I’m just saying, like, I’m not very good with meeting people, especially after texting them. Like, aaah, that doesn’t make sense. Um..” The girl was troubled with explaining herself, because the truth was, her and Hope had texted when she was in Africa.

“Did she send you her vagina pics when you were in Botswana??” Molly beamed, actually a serious question.

“No, nobody fucking does that, gross. We just like, uh, d-did some things.” Amy’s whole face was red by now.

“Amy fucking Antsler. Look at me right now.” The anger in Molly’s voice was lightly intentioned, just to be strict enough to get Amy to answer her questions. “Did you guys have like, phone sex?”

Just the way Molly said it made Amy cringe and want to leave her body right then and there. And just the way Amy had reacted showed the other girl all she needed to know.

“Oh my god, you fucking did. You had phone sex with Hope! This is even more exhilarating than when you told me about Ling Ling! Holy shit, was it like, did she say dirty things to you?” Molly was helplessly curious, and being someone with no filter, nothing would stop her from getting those goddamn details. Amy shifted in the bed and put her head in her hands.

“Please stop, this is so embarrassing. We just like, I don’t know. How the fuck do you expect me to tell you? That’s so weird.”

“Umm, because Amy, we tell each other everything. I told you that I masturbated with an electric toothbrush, and I got the worst UTI of my life from that bad boy.”

“Yeah, except you’ve said that many times, and voluntarily, too.” Amy’s voice was literally in distress, because she needed the conversation to end.

“Just tell me how things went and I’ll leave you alone, k?” Molly was holding back giggles.

“We would just text and stuff and one time she just called me. Okay? I didn’t know how it worked either, but that’s why she taught me -“

“Woah, woah, alright. Interesting. So... it shouldn’t be hard if you see her at the party. Just talk about the phone sex!”

Amy groaned. “Molly, you’re not being helpful.” The girl smirked at this, because being unhelpful and instead comedic and sarcastic was definitely Molly’s favorite thing to do with Amy. “Plus, we didn’t even talk about the texts and doings over the phone yesterday.. I mean, I wasn’t gonna say anything, and I didn’t expect us to have a full on conversation, but I just thought it would come up, I guess?”

Molly frowned sympathetically. “Yeah, well, maybe you can talk more with her at the party. I know I’m unhelpful, but - let’s get dressed!”

The girls spent the next hour shuffling through clothing to wear for the party, which by then, Tanner had texted back.

“He said it’s at 9.” Molly said disappointingly. She looked at the time on the top of her screen. “It’s 8:30.”

“Fucking shit! I mean, is this fine?” Amy held her arms out and spun around, showcasing her outfit to her best friend. She had on a light green and grey striped sweater and plain light wash jeans.

Molly’s jaw literally dropped. “You. Look. Adorable.”

Amy’s face scrunched. “I mean, I’m not going for a cute 8 year old look, I’m going for something that shows I’m mature and like, not the innocent bitch I was in high school.” This caused Molly to whistle provokingly. “Okay, well I think if you just..” She walked over and unbuttoned near the collar of the sweater, exposing her sternum. “..there! Hot damn, Amy.”

She turned around to look in the full body mirror and smiled. It was her style, it explained who she was as a person and how she expressed herself. But it showed she can be sexy, at least she thought so, with some chest surface showing.

Amy wanted to text Hope if she would be there, because she wouldn’t really have a reason to dress up or show off otherwise, she thought. But, she decided against it, because ultimately, she was still stunned from what happened yesterday and didn’t know how to casually text Hope like everything was normal. Their relationship was now built off sexual encounters - and it puzzled Amy’s inexperienced brain trying to navigate such a relationship with someone.

“We should probably get going, then.” Amy started, seeing Molly had chosen her choice of a light pink dress with darker colored roses by the neckline. “You know, I wonder if Gigi would be there. I kind of miss her.”

Molly smirked mischievously. “Oh Amy, you know, she has always had a thing for you. If she’s there tonight, there’s no way she’s not gonna be all over your vagina.”

“Okay, well I guess we’ll just see what happens. I’m not opposed to it.” Amy scoffed, because she didn’t want Molly to be so right about Gigi being obsessed with Amy. But, it was the truth, and Amy thought that maybe she could let things happen and see what goes. But, in the back of her mind, Hope lingered, as if they were committed to each other or something. But, she needed to not become clingy or emotionally attached so quickly, at least unless Hope did the same for her. After all, Amy liked that conclusion better than letting her mind roam about a world where an available Hope got with the all-so-available Amy.

-

“Davidson’s here? What the fuck!?”

Annabelle’s familiar ecstatic voice rang through their ears as they entered Nick’s house. This one was different than the party of his on graduation last year, because that mansion was his aunt’s, while this one was a smaller but still moderately sized home.

Molly rushed to hug Annabelle, which didn’t surprise Amy, because the girl had told her all about how they became best friends at Yale for the year - they even flew home to LA together for the summer. Annabelle followed up with a gentle hug for Amy, who by default was now her friend as well.

“What’s up, girl? What’s going on with you nowadays!?” Annabelle was excited to catch up, despite not ever being friends in high school. Molly definitely told her a lot about Amy, which the girl didn’t really know, but would find out once random details about her life were to spew out.

“Ah, not much, I just got home from Botswana. I’m assuming everyone here just recently came from school, too?” Amy smiled warmly, her eyes scanning around the party. From the entrance, the bar in the kitchen could be seen, where some boys with short hair were standing with cups.

“Oh yeah, we’re all just barely reconnecting with our LA fam.” The blonde took Amy and Molly by their hands, seemingly a little drunk and visibly a lot looser than usual, and pulled them toward the kitchen. “Come get some of this punch shit.”

Molly exchanged an excited look with Amy, because this already felt even better than last year’s party. There was low electronic type music playing through the house, some LED lights of assorted colors around the rooms, and a very warm atmosphere. It was by far a smaller party than Nick’s last one, which had pretty much everybody from their senior class, plus some juniors and graduates that were close friends with him. This time, there were few bodies in the kitchen, some people now on the couch, and voices from other parts of the house around them.

“Amy?! What is up!?” Somebody who she originally filed in her brain as a boy at the bar turned around, her hand raising up to greet her and a cup in her other hand. “Ryan? Uh, hey! What’s up?”

Amy was so, so, so much chiller than she would’ve been in high school. Ryan looked good, her hair was at a bit of a shorter length than Amy had known it to be, and she had more ear and nose piercings now. Molly was looking at Amy with an obviously provocative look, which she disregarded and initiated conversation with Ryan anyway.

“Not much, I’ve just been hanging low with the boys for a while. Ever since they got to LA, all I been doing.” She gestured to Nick and Tanner, who were now saying hi to Molly. 

“Nice, yeah, I just got here too.” Amy laughed. “This party, uh, this party feels nice. I like it better than the last one.”

Ryan giggled, which was a sound Amy never forgot. “Yeah, you want a drink? Here, I’ll fix one for you.” She rushed behind the bar to tend to Amy, who was shaking her head like she was clueless.

“I mean, I’ll just take like, whatever you already have in the fridge.” Amy didn’t know a single cocktail or mixed drink, because she had never drank until Ryan had given her one at the last party.

“Beer fine?” The curly haired girl opened the fridge for a can. Amy nodded with a smile and took the cold drink.

“You can feel free to go talk around if you want, Amy. I know Gigi’s here somewhere.”

Amy laughed, because, well, she did kind of want to see Gigi. It had been so long, and the girl’s presence was strange, sure, but oddly fun and refreshing. She really made people feel like everything’s okay and not to worry about anything. So, the redhead brought herself and her beer among the rooms, patting Molly on the arm signaling her departure as she continued conversation with Nick and Tanner.

On the couch, she found some people she recognized but didn’t have many classes with from her senior class. She ran into George and Alan by the stairs, who were seemingly now dating due to their touchy-feely actions on each other and completely didn’t see Amy walking by. She headed up the stairs, seeing lights and hearing some commotion, figuring it was open for people to go up there. Some doors were shut, and in the hallway was a group of people who had been in Nick’s friend group in high school. The music faded out as Amy reached the part of the hallway with some open doors, where a girl was inside on the bed.

Amy being Amy, she poked her head in to get a peek at who it was - only to see it was, predictably, Hope - laying back against the headboard on her phone. Her own music was playing out loud that was now overlapping the distant party music from downstairs.

“Hope?” Amy figured there was no room not to be bold tonight. It would be rude of her to pretend she never saw Hope, anyway.

The taller girl looked up and sat forward, putting her phone on the bed next to her. “Amy? I mean, I knew you’d show up.”

In response, Amy walked in and took a swig of her beer. She put her hands out. “Here for the same reason as you.”

The tension between them was quite obviously from what had gone on between them yesterday, and their kiss-less departure this morning. “And that reason is?” She patted next to the bed to signal Amy to sit down with her.

The smaller girl approached the bed and took a seat on the side. “To catch up with people, to party with old friends. Though, you don’t seem to be doing much socializing in here.”

The brunette scoffed lightly, looking around the decorated bedroom which most likely belonged to Nick. “The music is horrible, I prefer my own. I mean, I’ll make an appearance downstairs later if we play like, drinking games or something.”

Amy’s eyebrows raised, because it was probably obvious that Hope was one to play drinking games, but it surprised her somehow still. “Well, come down and get a drink. I’d assume Tanner has some game planned for later.”

She held her small hand out for the taller girl to grab, who just looked at it skeptically. “Trying to get me all drunken up?” she laughed, giving in and holding Amy’s hand.

“No, no. Just, have a drink. Lighten up, not totally kill yourself from the alcohol intake.”

And with that, the girls headed downstairs, their hands awkwardly departing when they walked past George and Alan, who now noticed their presence. “I knew Hope was gay.” George whispered, who apparently noticed their hands quickly moving from each other on the stairs.

Molly caught the two with each other as they approached the bar, Ryan now joined in on the conversation with Tanner, Nick, and Molly. Annabelle now had Gigi around her arm by the sliding doors, seemingly pulling her inside from the patio.

“Hey, Hope! A drink?” Ryan beamed as she pulled a cup, prepared to make her something.

“Rum and coke if you have it, thanks.”

Molly darted Amy a very obvious “ooh, you’re with Hope” type look, to where Hope actually noticed and tried not to laugh. Amy’s eyes were widened as if they were signaling to Molly to shut the fuck up - which they were.

“When did Hope get here?” Annabelle shouted from across the space, approaching the kitchen with a dangling Gigi. They interchanged a quick look, which Amy observed immediately, because she obviously remembered they had hooked up and wanted to see where exactly their relationship lied.

“Annabelle, I told you I was coming.” Hope smiled, and clearly the girl didn’t get the text, because she wasn’t expecting to see her at the party.

Amy felt this weird tension between them, like something was going on and she couldn’t tell what. She’d have to ask Hope later, if that wasn’t pushing boundaries and she could find the guts to.

“You know, where’s Theo at? He was definitely always lively enough for you to know where he is at all times.” Molly exclaimed, which got a deep laughter out of a drunk Nick. “Yeah, oh my god, my man totally wanted to make it.” He paused for more laughing, with Tanner joining in.

“Google’s strict as fuck, I guess he doesn’t get no vacation or summer and shit.”

Ryan joined them. “If he was here, though, the music would definitely be turned up louder, and we’d be doing drinking games already.”

Molly’s eyebrows furrowed, because 9 pm felt like too early of a time to unravel in drinking games, which everyone always knew how those went. “This early in the night, you guys do drinking games?”

Hope intervened. “I mean, never a wrong time for a little fun. Helps us catch up, too.”

Amy looked over at Hope, who was becoming comfortable in the environment despite herself not being settled yet. But as the boys lead the group toward the living room carpet with bottles of vodka and tequila, she figured she’d have no choice but to loosen up.

Once Gigi had snapped into reality from whatever the fuck was happening with her and Annabelle literally saving her outside, the girl couldn’t get off Amy. She was sandwiched in the circle between Hope and Gigi, though, Hope was actually respecting her personal space. Gigi asked her a lot of weird questions during the drinking game, which did not have a name and was most similarly comparable to 20 questions - but with alcohol if you choose not to answer.

Eventually, it was Alan’s turn to ask and everybody loved his questions - the guy was super enthusiastic, throughout high school and still managing to glow in the same light even now. Apparently, him and George weren’t a secret, considering they were holding hands closely in the circle and nobody acted weird or surprised about it. It appeared that Amy and Molly had missed a lot because they never truly invested themselves in the gang of friends.

“So, I wanna know, are Hope and Amy a thing? Is this what I’m seeing?” Alan laughed, he was drunk and George was wondering the same thing - were they dating? What he saw earlier made it seem so, but the thing was, Amy and Hope weren’t dating. They didn’t know what they were doing. It was never...discussed. Apparently, their situations tend to be handled in a sexual manner with no communication, leading to total confusion, and-

“Oooooh..” At least a few people had to be simultaneously egging them on, and now everyone was staring at the two, who subconsciously separated further a little bit. Gigi detached herself from Amy’s arm and made an offended look, which thankfully caused Annabelle to grab ahold of her and whisper something in her ear. Apparently, Molly had already spilled some details about Amy and Hope, which excited Annabelle because she did secretly want Hope to have somebody so she wouldn’t be tempted to “try things out” with her ever again. 

“Uh, no, no-“ Amy started, her words already sounding tipsy. But as she was beginning to deny it, Hope was taking a shot of vodka from the center of the circle and downing it with a sour expression.

Did she really just plead the fifth on that one? Amy was embarrassed, confused, and immediately a shade of red flushed over her face. People were laughing and cheering and cooing, and all Hope could do was look down at Amy and smirk. Molly was literally making the most expressive shocked face, far too invested in Amy’s “love life” or whatever the fuck was going on. Luckily, Tanner saved the day by beginning to tease Ryan and Nick a little bit for now just being “close friends” rather than dating. Amy couldn’t even focus on that discussion, or anything else going on in the room, because Hope was fucking captivating all her attention.

As the circle moved their attention to Ryan and Nick and became fairly loud, with random people taking unprompted shots just to get wasted more, Hope leaned down into Amy’s close proximity.

“Did you want me to say no? Because I’m not exactly sure that’s the whole truth.”

Amy could only make a disapproving noise. “We’re not dating.” She frowned.

“I know, I didn’t say we were. Alan asked if we were a thing.” Hope emphasized the word “thing”, almost letting it hiss off her tongue and making Amy want to shiver.

Again, a scoff and doubtful look from Amy. “A ‘thing’ is just a stupid social construct for people of our generation who talk with multiple people but don’t know how to label it. Really, it’s just the stage for pussies who can’t commit or label anything.” She almost went off on a full, tipsy rant if Hope hadn’t stopped her.

“So you’re a pussy, then? You’re not committing, you’re not choosing a label for us. So you’re a pussy.” When Amy had said it, it just sounded so casual, but Hope saying it, she couldn’t breathe. She began to feel suffocated by the warm air, the pressure of it all, the second beer she was almost done with, Hope’s breath in her ear, the flashing lights, the goddamn obnoxious party music -

Amy jolted up, storming up the stairs hastily and heading to the room she had originally found Hope in. Nobody else noticed she left, and Hope being immediately concerned, ran after her.

The tall girl stumbled through the hallway, instantly regretting taking that shot for two reasons - she was becoming more drunk now, and it also had seemingly caused a conflict between her and Amy that was making her nervous as ever. If she had fucked things up by insisting they may have a “thing” with each other, well, she would never forgive herself.

“Hey? What happened?” Hope mentally facepalmed as she asked this to Amy sitting on the bed, because she knew what happened. She should instead be asking if she’s okay.

“Hope, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t even know what it is that we’re doing.” Amy turned around on the side of the bed to face the girl in the doorway, who was now walking toward her.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I don’t really know either, if that helps. It’s not just you.” She sat inches away beside her.

“What do you want?” The smaller girl looked into her eyes. She didn’t mean this in a rude way, but rather needed to know the girl’s intentions.

“You know what I want, Amy.”

Hope’s gaze into her eyes was burning red, like it was hot, too hot between them. The alcohol and her flustered cheeks didn’t help.

“I don’t know what you want, Hope.” She looked up toward the ceiling and shook her head nervously.

Predictably, but shocking to Amy nonetheless, Hope’s large hand laid over Amy’s on her thigh - she jolted to look over at her again. “I want you.” Hope says with more lust in her voice than she would ever admit to.

Amy had never done anything like this before, so she had no idea what that meant - what “I want you” actually entailed. Sex? A relationship? Both? She looked down at their touching hands and parted her lips, but no words came out.

“However you want to interpret that. Amy, I just-“ Hope readjusted on the bed so her whole body was facing straight toward her. “I want to be around you, I want to be with you. I don’t care if that means I can never touch you again. I don’t care if it means you only want me to touch you right now. If you want a relationship, I want to commit to that. If you just want to test the waters, or you’re not ready, I want you so bad that I’ll respect that and stay away. Me and you is all I know right now.”

She sounded out of breath, like it was something she was struggling to get out. It was so overwhelming, Amy almost didn’t pertain what she said. The only thing her mind could focus on right now was the constant “I want you’s”, and though she still didn’t quite understand what they meant, it made her melt anyway.

“Amy?”

An all too familiar voice intruded the conversation, Molly’s face poking through the doorway. The girl got off the bed immediately. “Hey, Molly, I’m fine, sorry. I just felt dizzy back there for a second.”

“Okay, I mean, the boys are doing some stupid beer pong challenge now, so Ryan said just us girls could go to her house down the street and hang there.” Molly smiled warmly. “It’s quieter anyway, that music is about to make my head pound because Gigi thought it would be a great idea to turn it up.”

Amy looked back at Hope, who got up to follow her, as they went downstairs and met Annabelle at the door.

“We’re just gonna walk, her house is only a few houses away from here.” Annabelle opened the door and let the crowd of girls - Amy, Molly, Gigi, Hope, and Ryan - out first, following behind them afterward.

As they walked in the dim lighting of the road, Amy was completely zoned out. Annabelle and Molly must’ve been asking her something, but she wasn’t listening. She couldn’t focus. Hope confessing her feelings felt all too real, though she couldn’t believe they were anything other than a product of Hope’s drunk thoughts. She wanted to burst out that she felt the same, but Amy couldn’t even sort out her thoughts - she didn’t know if she was ready for a relationship, she didn’t know where things were gonna go between them.

The complications were getting to her. Why couldn’t things just be easier?

“Hello?” Molly waved aggressively in Amy’s face, forcing her back to reality. “She’s never really been this drunk, I guess.” She mumbled to Annabelle with a laugh.

“What? Sorry, I wasn’t..” Amy mumbled, Molly grabbing her arm for stability.

“Listening? Tell me about it. We were just saying how open you were with your sexuality in high school. You know, like everyone knew, and it was fine with everyone.” Annabelle interjected, leaning forward in the line of girls to look at Amy. “I admire that, big time.”

Hope exchanged a warm look with Annabelle across from Amy and Molly, because she was the first one to know about Annabelle’s sexuality.

“Yeah, thanks, I mean, I wasn’t gonna pretend to like boys.” Amy laughed it off, because even the thought of being with a boy was definitely...not for her. Women. She quite enjoyed women.

Molly started rambling about Amy’s gayness when they were kids, and Gigi was inserting herself into the conversation because Amy was the topic of the discussion. Ryan was just casually listening, not speaking up but part of it nonetheless. Hope, of course, couldn’t take her eyes off Amy. Why was it that even her walking was so cute? She was so much shorter than her, that looking down on the girl made for a good observation of her body and the way she moves. Her little wide stride waddle, whether it was from the alcohol or her every day movement - it was adorable to watch.

She was surprised to realize she wasn’t off the walls horny from the alcohol - that was her usual turnout. Even when Amy kissed her in the bathroom that night, they both had their drinks, plus, she was high.

But even fully sober, Hope knew what she felt. When they would talk over the phone, when she met her for the first time in the year - just seeing Amy, she knew what she wanted. Maybe expressing that to her while drunk at a party wasn’t the best choice, but better than not at all, right? She hoped so.

Maybe, if she just stopped taking control for a while and let Amy decide what’s what, it would be more natural for the both of them and what the future holds. At least, she thought so.

“It’s this house here.”

The girls arrived at a light red house with white shutters, and the windows had crazy patterned curtains on the inside, and it was kind of run down, but put together enough to be presentable. Ryan unlocked the door and let the girls in, and honestly, a house couldn’t better define Ryan.

The living space was really one big room attached to the kitchen, and there were posters and records all over the walls. Speakers plastered with stickers, crates of cds, a wall mounted tv, semi-ugly patterned pillows clashing on the plain brown couch. It was hippie, but that wasn’t even the end of it. One wall had tons of skateboards hanging on it, and underneath it, sneakers of all sorts lined up.

“Wow, Ryan, this shit is..” Molly started, but couldn’t help gawking around at the place. By now, Gigi had dropped herself onto the couch, and Annabelle was sat beside her.

“It’s a really cool place.” Amy chimed in. After all, this is what she always wanted during high school, to see Ryan’s house and be with her. They weren’t close, they never were, and that was okay with Amy, considering she didn’t have a crush on her anymore. To be honest, she was still confident, along with Molly, that Ryan was at least bisexual, but they knew nothing about the girl anymore. The only thing Amy did know was that she didn’t go to college and stayed in LA to work part time and skateboard - she learned that at the senior graduation afterparty.

Hope knew Amy liked Ryan for years, considering she could blatantly see Amy staring at the skater girl in class, every day, over and over. She really hoped Amy didn’t still have that crush, because, well, it would make her extremely jealous. She was already feeling a little weird seeing Amy in Ryan’s house. She knew this is what high school Amy would’ve wanted more than anything.

“Thanks, I try to keep it as clean as a cluttered shitshow can be..” Ryan laughed as she opened the fridge, pulling yes, more beers, for everyone to have. Gigi declined, looking as if she was going to pass out for some reason, but everyone else gladly took a can.

From there, the girls discussed a lot about college, boys, girls, love, their deepest secrets, and other banter that came out from the drunkenly conversations. This went until about midnight, until Molly had broken off with Annabelle to sleepover at one of the two’s houses. Gigi was brought home via lyft, leaving Ryan to chill in her living room with Hope and Amy.

“You guys headed out too?”

The girls looked at each other. Hope had this look in her eye, like it was saying, yeah, let’s get out of here. Something provocative came of it, because Amy’s stomach twisted and she felt some sort of way all over again.

“Uh, um, yeah, I guess. It’s pretty late.” Amy stood up abruptly, leaving her empty cans of beer on the table and immediately gripping Hope’s shoulder for balance. “Fuck.” She mumbled.

“Her house isn’t far from here, we’ll walk safely. Thanks for the hospitality.” Hope smiled, holding Amy close by as they headed toward the front door. “And hey, uh, thanks for opening up to us. I guess it’s nice to learn new things about someone you’ve known for so long, but didn’t actually know.”

Ryan beamed, because for herself, it felt good to let some people in on her true life. It wasn’t all just fun skateboarding shit. “Totally, no problem. Text me if you guys wanna use my house as a drink crib again or somethin’.”

With that, Amy and Hope set out across the neighborhood to reach Amy’s house. They both had a stumble in their walk, but held each other safely and walked among the sidewalks rather than the road.

“Hey, you okay?”

Amy looked like she needed to vomit. And yeah, she did.

“Oh, shit, let it all out.” The taller girl found her hand awkwardly patting Amy’s hunched over back as she threw up in a random person’s front yard.

Hope almost felt like she had to do the same, but nothing ever came of it and she instead held onto Amy tighter than before.

“I’ve never, um, drank this.. much.” Amy stuttered, causing Hope to laugh. She too was pretty drunk, but her tolerance was higher due to more experience with it.

“Yeah, I can tell. But that’s okay. I like drunk Amy and I like sober Amy.” Hope didn’t mean for that to sound so romantic, but in the moment it kind of did.

Amy smiled. “Drunk me would let you into my pants. Sober me, I-I don’t know about that one.”

“Well, like I said, I don’t mind either way. I just want to be around you.”

Amy couldn’t take anything seriously when she was under the influence so heavily, but she could sense Hope was genuine. Her arm was around Amy’s shoulder, holding her close as their misaligned strides made their walk awkward and harder to maneuver.

Once they arrived, Amy could not even consider climbing to her bedroom’s window. She fumbled to unlock the front door not-so-quietly, soon allowing Hope to take over and do it less loud. She helped Amy up the stairs, she laid her in the bunk bed, she took off her shoes for her.

Amy just groaned, because she was sleepy and not totally aware in the moment. Hope was asking her something, but she wasn’t listening.

Soon, she realized what Hope was most likely asking as she felt her sweater being pulled up from her stomach. She surrendered her arms up to the girl, letting her pull the shirt over her head and to be hung over the edge of the bed. This time, there was a bra covering Amy’s chest, a plain black one that looked almost the same as the one Hope was wearing. She continued to Amy’s jeans, peeling the material off her legs until it reached her feet. Hope almost flew backward trying to get the cuffed bottoms over her heels, but she managed it while soon becoming out of breath. Lastly, she pulled the sheet slightly over Amy, covering her body respectfully and comfortably.

“Okay, uh,” Hope started, sitting at the end of the bed awkwardly. Amy wanted to doze off, but she couldn’t yet.

“You’re staying here with me, right?”

Hope’s heart fluttered. “I mean, yeah, okay, yeah. I will.”

She wasn’t planning on it, because she didn’t want anything to be weird between them, especially while both being drunk. But Amy wanted her, she was laid on her back and had her arms sticking up into the air as if she wanted to grab Hope.

So, the girl complied, and she rested herself beside Amy, her arm wrapping over the girls body delicately and her chin upon Amy’s shoulder. Their legs moved against each other naturally to find comfort, the smaller girl’s eyes closing and opening slower and slower.

“You, y-you’re not going to change?” She managed to slip out, noticing Hope still in her clothing.

“No, I’m fine.” Hope sounded drowsy, too. “Go to sleep.”

She placed a soft kiss on Amy’s shoulder, allowing the girl the space and time to fall asleep (which did not take very long). Usually, Hope would probably linger awake and think about a lot of different things, but this time, she was too sleepy.

Cuddling Amy wasn’t something she necessarily needed to check off some imaginary do-this-with-Amy list, but the accomplishment of it made Hope feel oh-so-good.

And their sleep was even deeper than the night before.


	3. you were mine for a night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long to get out, i’ve been working on other stories!

It was a Saturday night, and somehow, Amy found herself with three others for the night - a double date, though more like a desperate cry for help from Molly, with Hope and Jared with them each.

In her text, Molly labeled it a double date, but Amy preferred to bribe Hope into going by calling it a “group outing”. It was, after all, considering Molly was too scared to go anywhere alone with Jared after not seeing him for a year - a lot similar to Amy’s situation with Hope.

They had been off and on dating while they were at different colleges, but the long distance didn’t do them justice and Molly found herself reluctantly ending things with them. She didn’t want to, she really liked Jared and how he opened up to her and ending up being a totally different person than who she thought he was in high school.

So, when he texted Molly that he was in LA, she had just a little bit of an episode. Needless to say, she called Amy immediately, who was now pried away from what could be a morning spent well with Hope to helping her get ready for the night.

“For the last time, me and Hope aren’t going as a date. I’m just bringing her so it’s not a third wheel type situation. A group of 4 works better than 3. That’s just a fact, Molly.”

Amy was ranting, sitting on the girl’s bed in Molly’s childhood room. Her words wandered off to the fact that Hope undressed her and practically tucked her into bed drunk last night, which she thought was sweet and wasn’t conscious enough to truly appreciate, but Molly wasn’t on her same wavelength.

“Amy, let me think.” Molly was visibly stressed about seeing Jared. She definitely still had feelings for him. And she definitely cared too much about how she looked to meet him again. She was stood in front of her mirror in a bra and underwear, eyeing her own body in a disappointed expression.

“You don’t need to think. You look good, stop shutting yourself down.” Amy looked up from her phone, which was now resting pathetically on the messages screen, awaiting for Amy’s finger to click Hope’s name already.

“Let me hate my body in peace. You’re the one who can’t even text Hope, you fool.” Molly was clearly on edge, now shuffling through clothes in her closet.

“I’m about to, as long as you stop fucking insulting yoursel-“

Amy gawked at her screen, where a picture of Hope had showed up. Underneath the photo, she sent a text saying, “what are you wearing tonight?”. Amy didn’t breathe as she stared at the picture in a mixture of awe and shock.

Hope had pictured herself in the mirror - the first thing Amy noticed was her large hand, her long fingers wrapping around the phone with a red case. Then, she noticed the shirt, which was a mostly see-through white blouse with a long black jacket of some sort open over it. Her dark colored bra was seen through the clarity of the shirt’s material.

Molly noticed Amy’s sudden silence. “Vag’ pic?”

Amy cringed as she felt herself return to reality again. “No, oh my god. Just, um, just this.” She turned the phone to Molly, who approached it to get a good look.

“Now that is a horny picture. I can just feel the energy, Ames. And don’t even deny it. The see-through shirt says it all!” This cheered Molly up immediately to, well, intrude on someone else’s conversation and give her two cents. But Amy needed the advice. She had sent that outfit picture to Hope before, but this felt different, because Molly was right about feeling the energy. As if Hope wanted a picture back, but a different one. One with less clothes.

Immediately, Amy tensed up at the thought of it. She couldn’t do that, could she? Thoughts came and went through her head quickly as Molly had somehow pulled the phone from her hands by now.

“Just get naked and I’ll take a picture of you.” The casual tone in which she had said this made Amy completely unravel. She jumped up and took her phone back.

“No! You’re insane. I’m just gonna show her what I’m wearing.” Amy pushed away the thoughts of explicit pictures or anything even remotely close to the sort. Instead, she took a simple picture in the mirror of her outfit, which was a maroon colored shirt tucked into black high waisted jeans.

amy: Attachment: 1 Image

amy: Your outfit is better.

Hope: impossible when you look like that.

Amy’s lips turned to a smile so quick.

“You know, all those nights with those pretty women from Botswana for a whole year, and you’re still here obsessing over some LA girl whose asshole you fingered?” Molly held up a shirt in disbelief over it.

“All those nights in Yale with horny men on campus and you’re back to Jared?” Amy smiles back. But really, she was hung up over Molly’s comment.

Why was she going back to Hope? If you told junior, or even senior Amy, that she’d be in a sudden indescribable entanglement with Hope from Miss Fine’s class, she’d never believe it. 

And even a year later. Why was she still revisiting this after a year? She was going to Columbia, there’d be no point to start some summer fling just to leave when her freshman year started up...

But here Amy was, doing it anyway. Getting dressed with Molly for a goddamn double date. Now texting Hope that she’d be on her way to pick her up. Waiting on the curb for Jared’s ridiculous blue and red flaming car to come pick them up, just like they’d done one year ago.

-

Amy had given the directions for Hope’s house to Jared, in which she sat in the back seat and let Molly catch up with Jared.

“So, you’re doing..okay?” Jared said carefully, like he didn’t want to hurt or offend Molly with anything that would ever come out of his mouth. It was probably true. He loved her, and she definitely felt something for him back. The long distance relationship just hadn’t worked. You could tell Molly was nervous, in a giddy way, where her eyes lit up and her smile got a little cheeky.

“Yeah, yeah. I missed LA.”

He kept glancing over at Molly, eyes switching between the road and the girl next to him. Sometimes, he’d be looking up through the mirror to see Amy.

“What about you?”

She looked up to meet his eyes in the mirror and smiled. “Oh, yeah, I’m doing okay. Totally okay.”

Her awkward inflictions made Molly giggle, and now some whole conversation about Amy being “way more than fine” was coming up, and Molly was really just trying to embarrass her. But Amy knew it was the girl’s go-to, ever since they were little, if she was in an awkward situation and didn’t know what to say. So, she let it slide.

Molly didn’t mention Hope, so that was good.

But they were now at her house, and Amy found herself jumping out of the car when it was barely even parked just to knock on the door. She didn’t even give herself time to take note of Hope’s house, which she had never actually seen before, because she was too focused on seeing the girl herself.

And there she was, at the door.

“Hey!” Amy wasted no time.

Hope smiled and closed the door behind her. She got all close in Amy’s space and leaned down to whisper to her upon noticing the driver’s seat window was open, and Jared was just staring at them with that weird smile of his.

“Is like..is this a double date? Do we have to pretend we’re married?” She joked, which got Amy to laugh as they started walking slowly closer to the vehicle. She felt Hope’s hand rest casually on her shoulder while she stayed bent down in Amy’s space.

“No, no, we’re just like, accompanying Molly so it’s less..” Amy’s voice lowered further. “Awkward.”

They split ways to sit on either side of the back seat. Molly had been talking about something with Jared, but seemingly stopped right as they entered the car.

“Hey, Hope! Long time no see!?” Jared was acting really excited. Hope just laughed at his demeanor.

“Hi, Jared.” Hope never liked him in high school, but something about reuniting with all these old peers was just...refreshing nonetheless.

“Hi, Hope.” Molly seemed slightly more enthusiastic than she would’ve been about Hope a year ago.

Amy looked at the girl, concerned, because she knew she was never fond of Molly either.

“Hey, how are you?”

Wow. She was being nice. And Molly replied and started a whole conversation about how nice LA has been. Without arguing or acting strange. They had talked at the party yesterday night, but barely.

Maybe if Amy could just get Hope and Molly to be a little more friendly, things would all turn out okay.

“So, how are you guys, together, are you guys...” Jared started, peering at the two in the backseat. Molly darted him a wary look, and immediately his mouth shut.

“We’re fine.” Amy said with almost no expression, because she knew what Jared was at least attempting to say.

Of course, Hope had to add on. “Fine together.”

That smirk again. Amy just shook her head with a little smile, and looked away at her now vibrating phone in her lap. Molly was on her phone in the front seat texting her.

Molly: Sorry, he thinks you guys are dating probably

Molly: Which like, you basically are soooo

Molly: tough shit

Amy: We’re not

Amy: And why didn’t you tell him otherwise Molly

Amy: tf

Molly just turned her head to Amy, her eyes kind of widened in this suggestive way, like, “I didn’t tell him you guys aren’t dating because maybe you are”.

Well, now Amy was just making shit up. Were they a thing? Were they not? I mean, no doubt, something was going on between her and Hope. But like, she wouldn’t consider it dating. They hadn’t even ruled out that possibility, and Amy knew damn well they only had the summer to spend together.

Hope’s hand moved to rest on Amy’s thigh now, and she gave her this weird look with her eyes. Amy knew what that meant, but she chose to ignore it and look out the window at the passing buildings. If she faced Hope, and held that bravery she wished she had, maybe Molly would stop teasing her about the whole situation. Maybe they’d actually kiss and stop trancing around.

Tonight wasn’t the time for that. Molly needed their help desperately to offset the awkwardness of seeing Jared for the first time. Amy could provide that. Hope could provide that.

Even if she barely liked Molly. Amy getting her to come and help was a miracle in of itself.

20 minutes later, through the late traffic of LA, Jared had gotten them to a mountain they didn’t know they were headed to. It wasn’t anything big or super rugged, it was amongst a trail off a main road where hikers and tourists would go to enjoy the view of LA, especially at nighttime. They were all unplugging their seat belts and getting out amongst Jared’s lead, despite not knowing what the fuck they were actually going to do.

“Here, there’s um, there’s a couple benches up here.” The boy’s smile was genuine, holding out his arm and allowing the girls to walk ahead of him. His hand rested on the back of Molly’s neck, just barely by her shoulder comfortingly. Her own breath hitched, and Amy noticed her nervousness immediately.

“I figured you guys could sit there, and me and Molly could sit here and catch up for a bit. If that’s okay.” He gestured toward the two separated benches by the edge of the cliff, both facing the same way, out across the valley and distant city lights. Some bushes and unidentifiable tall plants were in between the benches.

Hope was now holding onto Amy’s hand and dragging her toward the bench on the right. “Give them some privacy, it’s okay.” She had whispered in her ear, already sat down next to each other.

Amy was hesitant, because she knew the whole reason they were invited was to help Molly, but she also understood that Jared would probably want to... discuss  things with her. In private. It’s not like he’d be murdering Molly on the other side of the bush where she couldn’t see, and now she was so caught up in her worries that she didn’t notice the goddamn hand on her thigh again.

“So, what’s up with you?” Though she meant it as a general term, Amy thought she was poking for something. Accidentally, she had gotten defensive. “Nothing!”

Now they were looking right at each other. Hope sighed lightly. “I mean, like, how are you? Are you okay?” Amy’s face turned to a smile.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” She teased, turning her body more toward the bigger girl. Hope put her other hand on Amy’s leg. “Yeah, I would.”

The cool nighttime air made Amy’s arms all covered in goosebumps. She now took the liberty to pull her leg over and rest on Hope’s lap, letting the taller girl rub her cold arms with her big hands. She leaned into her face, less of courage and instead out of bodily instinct, and smiled into Hope’s eyes. “This is nice. I’m feeling fine now.”

Hope’s nose tapped Amy’s just barely, her mouth open to speak but the words failing to form.

“Do you want to do this?” Her question was random, and it struck Amy hard, because she knew exactly what the girl was talking about.

She scoffed it off with a light giggle. “You picked the perfect opportunity to talk about this, huh?” Amy gestured her head toward the bush, where they could clearly hear Molly and Jared’s loud laughing and conversing on the other side. Hope pulled Amy’s body closer.

“Then we’ll whisper. I’m serious, Antsler.”

Amy rolled her eyes in a joking manner. “Don’t call me that.”

She felt a twist in her stomach, almost, because her closeness to Hope was making her feel sick again. She was nervous, and if this was the moment they’d finally kiss, well, she’d be ready as she could ever be.

But Hope pulled away. “I want to be with you.”

Amy unintentionally zoned out in shock from the sentence. Sure, Amy and Hope have chemistry and they’d been figuring that out upon her arrival in LA again, but she never thought Hope would truly want her like that. Now, Molly’s all too familiar voice was intruding from behind, a giggling Jared beside her and now Hope was urging for Amy to get off her.

“What’s happenin’ here?” Jared said cluelessly, that same smile plastered on his face the whole time. Amy pulled herself off Hope’s lap and stood up, Molly making this scary encouraging expression at her.

“We’re gonna hike up the mountain a bit. If you want to stay here, you can.” Molly winked at Hope, which Amy found absolutely unnecessary and she knew she’d have to yell at her about it later.

“Okay, fine.” Amy stuck her hand out to pretend to push them away, Jared already grabbing Molly’s hand to lead her up the road.

Hope laughed. “They look happy already. Remember when they ate each other at graduation?” The thing Hope has said before was already a lost cause.

Amy stood in front of Hope, who was still sat comfortably on the bench. “Hey, that was cute.”

If Hope was in any way implying that Molly and Jared weren’t cute together, she’d be getting it for sure.

“Yeah, but a guy and a girl mushing faces doesn’t exactly get me all hot and bothered.” Amy stepped closer as Hope said this, while the other girl stood up from her seat.

Breathing heavy, she spoke up. “What are you saying?” She smirked.

Hope’s hands settled themselves around Amy’s back, pulling her close and looking down at her. She just laughed again. “What do you want me to-“

Amy had stepped up to abruptly press her lips against Hope’s - the long awaited moment. From the second they’d seen each other for the first time in a year, they’d wanted it, tried for it, lead up to it. Finally, it was happening. Their mouths moved in unison, like a well thought out pattern playing out all too fast. Amy had her hands cupping Hope’s cheeks, and the other girl’s hands migrated further down on Amy’s body.

It was electric. Amy didn’t want to move. She just wanted to keep her lips on Hope’s - in Hope’s - forever. She didn’t care if she was being totally devoured. It was everything she wanted.

The brunette pulled away suddenly, making Amy’s eyebrows furrow in disappointment. “You make me hot and bothered. That can’t be normal.”

Amy’s face was all flustered and red now, and she couldn’t hold back a huge smile on her now swollen lips. She took a deep inhale of the cool air. “W-well, I uh, same for you?”

It sounded like it was a question, which got a quick chuckle out of Hope. “Endearing.” She pushed Amy back onto the bench, leaning over her almost ominously.

“Let’s be a thing.”

“What? Aren’t we already?”

Hope scoffed. “Do you want to, like, date, though?”

Amy’s whole world stopped. A poorly formed question had never sounded so appealing. And all she could do was capture those goddamn lips in front of her face again.

“I’ll get back to you on that,” Amy laughed between breaths.

“We’re making up for lost time, here.”


	4. i remember her eyes when i asked her why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry for the slow asf updates... i’ve been pretty busy and tbh nobody is even updating anything anymore... i’m dying for new content!!
> 
> so here’s mine, and i’m not sure how many more chapters this story will have, but it’s getting there. a more intense explanation of their situation and where their relationship with each other stands will be addressed in the next chapter, because a big part of this story in general is the fact that everything’s going so fast and they both are falling so quick without question.
> 
> anyway, enjoy!

“Are you gonna put on some music or what?”

Hope was laid back on Amy’s top bunk, watching as the smaller girl was stood in the corner of the room with her phone in her hand. She’d been picking music out for what must’ve felt like forever to Hope, who was impatiently waiting for Amy to come join her on her bed. She had her phone plugged into the speakers on her desk, and now a low beat song was playing distantly.

She watched as Amy set her phone down and began to climb the bed, getting in and sitting in front of Hope’s long body. She grabbed onto the wooden barrier of the bunk for stability as she felt her head spin from the sudden movement.

“I shouldn’t have had those beers,” Amy started, an insecure smirk creeping onto her face as she looked away from Hope’s eyes. The other girl scoffed, knowing Amy had a much weaker tolerance when it came to alcohol. “Now I feel all..”

Hope rolled her eyes. “Tipsy? Yeah, you’re tipsy. C’mere.” She held her arms out for Amy, who connected their hands and allowed the brunette to pull her onto her lap. She always felt this unexplainable pull in her stomach when she came in contact with Hope, like butterflies, but different. Or maybe it was the same, and she just wouldn’t know any better.

“I’m glad we kissed today,” Amy held a provocative smile on her lips, getting a giggle out of Hope as her hands were still intertwined with hers. “It’d been so long.”

Hope glanced away, almost as if she needed to blush, because _god_ , Amy was making her feel a certain way. Kissing her was the most perfect thing that had ever happened in Hope’s boring, depressing life. She’d almost been so caught in her thoughts that she wouldn’t notice Amy struggling to pull her shirt off in front of her.

Right away, Hope swiped her own head away, looking over at the wall and refusing to watch Amy. “Woah, hey, hey, what are you doing?”

She felt the shirt get dropped delicately beside her arm, raising many different flags in her head, including the intrusive  “ _I want to look but I shouldn’t_ ”  one. But now, Amy was leaning forward and falling onto Hope’s chest, her head dropped next to hers.

“It’s so fucking hot in here.” Amy whined, and Hope’s hands migrated to the girl’s bare back.

“Well, laying on me isn’t gonna help your case.” She giggled playfully, grabbing Amy by the sides and helping to hoist her weight back up.

And Hope mentally sighed with relief, for her own mind’s good, that Amy was wearing a bra this time around.

The beat of  _ Don’t Say Nothing  _ by Del Water Gap felt all the more prominent in the room as Amy’s eyes were almost hyper-analyzing Hope’s entire being, her sight switching from her face to her body back and forth.

It was less than a second before Amy’s lips were messily crashed onto Hope’s, her body moving around on top of her as their heads pushed against each other in fight. The body heat radiating off Amy was leaving a stickiness between her bare stomach and Hope’s, where her shirt had now risen up from the smaller girl’s body pressed against hers.

Muffled words and pulling away interrupted the flow of the kiss. Hope looked into Amy’s eyes, in which the only energy she was getting from the other girl was lust. “Wait,” she started, grabbing gently onto Amy’s sides and holding her away.

“You’re drunk.”

Hope felt like she knew exactly where everything was leading, and that had been clear since the midst of the double date when a beer-drinking Amy started getting a little too touchy feely with her on the car ride home. But, she didn’t want to hurt the connection they had been building just because they felt like they  _ needed  _ to do anything.

Amy had the expression of a pouty child, and now her straddled position was shifting more toward one side of Hope’s lap and her mouth quickly formed a confident smirk. “So?”

Little, shy, unsure Amy was seeming a little different here, and Hope couldn’t find room to complain.

Except for the fact that she wanted everything to be perfect. She couldn’t stop thinking about doing this since she’d first seen Amy again, sure, but regrettable drunk sex was nothing she’d ever be proud of, even if it was with the girl she’d been waiting to kiss for a whole year.

Of course, impatient drunk Amy didn’t care, though, because her mind was only on one thing, and as she rolled her hips forward on Hope’s hip, her body seemed to be communicating that pretty nicely. And Hope kind of just went with it, because it didn’t seem like Amy could be stopped in the very moment, and -  _ wouldn’t that be cruel, anyway? _

So she guided Amy’s hips in rhythm, despite being in a jacket and shirt still, both of them with jeans and way too many clothing barriers. Like Amy had read her mind, she reached behind herself and unclipped her own bra, letting her body’s nature fall into place on it’s own as the undergarment was tossed over the side of the bed carelessly. Hope wasn’t gonna pretend like it wasn’t the hottest sight she’d ever seen, and she’d seen this before by now - topless Amy sitting on her lap. It was like deja vu, but a more stubborn and insistent version of the girl this time. Seeing her messy auburn hair swaying around and her head tipped back ever so slightly, looking up at the ceiling for her usual relief, it was all more of a turn on than she could imagine.

But Hope couldn’t help herself from keeping what she was really thinking from coming out, though. “Amy, Amy,” the concern in Hope’s voice made Amy a little scared too, because if this wasn’t something Hope wanted, well, she’d be too embarrassed to look at her again.

She stopped moving and dropped her hands to rest on Hope’s stomach. She felt her own eyelids flutter a bit, like they wanted to close or something, but she wasn’t feeling tired at all.

The taller girl sighed heavily, because even she was getting worked up from the movement, and Amy’s upset expression made her feel like shit. “It’s just, you’re drunk, and because of that, I don’t want to be taking advantage or anything.”

Amy scoffed quietly and reached for Hope’s hand, pulling her arm down and placing it where she wanted it to be the most of all. “You’re not taking advantage, you’re doing something I want... something I’m asking for.” Under the tipsiness and the sexy act, there was the real Amy shining through, the shy and intimidated girl that made Hope weak.

Amy’s eyes looked as if they were begging for something. Hope knew what that was, and she could clearly understand what Amy really wanted in the moment. She’d wanted it too, but she was afraid their first time would be different because of her being drunk, and the last thing Hope could ever want was their first time to be any less than perfect. She wanted everything for Amy with this.

Hope bit her lip solely from the sight in front of her, because her own hand was being ridden by Amy rather than just her thigh. She wanted to slow down, she wanted to take her jacket off - it was really hot - and she wanted to properly undress Amy and see her beautiful figure.

And she guessed she got her way, because Amy’s body was stopping abruptly and breaking the flow, her eyes coming to a shut, and suddenly she’d fallen limply off Hope’s lap and hit her back on the wooden edge of the bunk bed.

Hope knew a drunk faint when she saw one, from personal experience, but also the amount of drunk girls she’s helped get safe from predator jocks at high school parties.

Suddenly, Amy was falling into place next to a laid down Hope, resting on her back and pushing to keep her eyes open. “I- I’m not tired, I just,”

And maybe Hope was rushing to stop Amy from further explanation because she knew the girl didn’t want to stop, she knew it wasn’t an issue whether she was into it or not, but rather a girl who’s almost never drunk alcohol before suddenly having a few beers, one after another in the same hour.

“No, no, you need rest, it’s okay. I can’t have you passing out on me in the middle of sex.” Hope brought her hand up to Amy’s chest, laying it on the flat valley between two peaks. She turned herself sideways to face the girl, who’s face was flushed and her stomach rising up and down quickly. And her blush was more from Hope saying the word  sex than it was anything else, because hearing her call it what it is felt so strange.

She felt like she was floating in the moment, though, because her head was spinning and she felt too dizzy to move. Hope must’ve known exactly how Amy was feeling, too, because she just pressed up against her side to comfort her.

“Okay, really, you should get undressed or something, because your longsleeves are making me sweat.” Amy giggled and it made Hope smile - she’d never get sick of the sweet sound. She’s also never stripped down so quickly, leaving just her underwear and bra to stay. Amy was then struggling to pull her skinny jeans off, especially without sitting up of any sort, so Hope found herself at the end of the bed to help her.

Large hands grabbed at the denim waistband, pulling the button apart from the fabric and grabbing to unzip, revealing some sort of lace-cotton hybrid pair of black underwear that she’d soon get a better look at. Amy’s hips slowly lifted into the air, allowing better access for Hope to pull the goddamned jeans down her legs and off her body. She comfortably positioned herself back beside the girl, spinning circles with her fingers across Amy’s chest. To not admire the beauty of her nakedness would just be foolish on Hope’s behalf.

“You’re beautiful.” she said with an enlightening sort of sigh, her eyes wide and staring into Amy’s as the smaller girl turned her body toward Hope a bit.

And Amy had heard this a lot from Hope before, because the girl never stopped saying it, and maybe she became a little more self aware because of it - more confident too. Hope loved that, because insecure Amy just made her pissed off that she couldn’t recognize her own shine. She’d also found self aware Amy pretty attractive, too, because just five minutes ago she seemed to know exactly  _ what  _ and  _ how  _ she wanted things to go.

The blue-balls hurt for both of them, but it was a sacrifice they were willing to take if it meant Amy wouldn’t puke, pass out or not be quite  _ present  _ in the moment. It was supposed to be special, though they had been teasing each other since meeting again.

_ Nothing wrong with a little teasing _ , Hope thought.

And so she found herself planting small little kisses along Amy’s chest, feeling every inch of the soft skin on her torso. Amy would groan, because she wanted to do more right that second, take Hope and get back on top of her for what felt like the millionth time, but the nausea wouldn’t allow it. Or, it would only be a certain amount of time before she was puking on Hope’s nakedness again like she once did a year ago.

So, Hope slept resting her head on the side of Amy’s bare chest, and only allowed herself to bed once she saw Amy was asleep first.

-

“It’s a plane, it’s a  _ fucking plane _ !”

Jared was smashing buttons on the gaming controller in his hand, seemingly shooting randomly in the sky and not  _ actually  _ at any airplanes, driving a truck in the game of  _ Far Cry 5 _ that held Molly, Amy, and Hope’s characters inside it.

The girls had no idea how to play the game, except Molly knew the controls a little better than Hope or Amy due to seeing Jared play it so much and send gameplay videos to her over text all the time. Somehow, he’d convinced Molly that a gaming session between the four of them would be fun, and somehow she’d made Amy get Hope on board with it - which in the end, the plan wasn’t horrible, because now they were seated in the assorted furniture of Amy’s living room while her parents weren’t home, screaming loudly for no reason and laughing at Jared’s horrible truck driving.

Amy and Hope were sat on the couch next to each other, a fuzzy blanket draped over both their criss-crossed legs, while Molly was sat on the floor in front of the screen and Jared in a chair beside her. It was almost 2 pm, and Amy’s parents weren’t home, which was meticulously planned out with Molly so that when they came over, they’d just barely greet Doug and Charmaine before they were to leave.

It wasn’t anything complicated, and after all, Amy was used to that kind of sneaking around. Well, it was less of sneaking and more of,  _ I’ve been around my parents so long I know exactly how to play them. _

And now, Molly was screaming because her character was being shot through the car window, and she’d smacked Jared’s knee repeatedly in signal for him to slow down the truck and come to a stop. Amy was lost on how to play, and really was just following what Hope did, who was now giving her some comforting smile over and over. Maybe it was the way Hope looked so happy that made Amy smile back even bigger, or maybe the way her big hands were holding the controller, fiddling around with the buttons and joysticks, and-

Yeah, she wasn’t going to go there. Amy quite literally looked away, because she knew what Hope would try and pull off - teasing her into some shit that she knew tempted her too much. Jared was screaming now as the truck smashed into a tree recklessly, causing more loud noises in the game and sending vibrations to everybody’s controllers in signal to get the fuck out of the car.

Somehow they’d found their characters standing outside the truck shooting aimlessly at some planes in the sky, and there were so many bombs and sound effects to even truly understand what was going on, at least for the girls.

Hope jolted her body leftwards in attempt to play the game better, though that didn’t do anything, and she’d lightly bumped Amy’s arm, sending the controller to fall out of her hands for a quick second. And maybe Hope didn’t know what she had did, but something about a consistently vibrating controller hitting Amy’s lap felt all so purposeful. But it actually had taken Hope a couple seconds to look over and see the girl make a quick, indescribable facial expression, then notice where the controller had fell, and suddenly the dots were connected in her mind. A smug smile formed on her lips as Amy looked over to her in worry, hoping she hadn’t seen but most definitely, in fact, was watching.

It was a matter of seconds before Hope had slid her hand under the blanket, pulling her own controller under it, then Amy’s. Their arms were under the blanket, and it looked as if they were both holding their controllers beneath and focusing on the game, but Hope had other plans. In her left arm, extended into Amy’s lap, was the girl’s controller pulled out of her hands limply and pressed in between her legs, earning a plethora of facial expressions from her.

“Amy’s taking a lot of damage here!” Jared shouted out suddenly, making Hope’s hand jerk initially but keeping in the same spot. She smirked, still moving around the joystick on her own controller with one hand to keep Jared and Molly off their case - which apparently wasn’t too affective, because Molly was turning her head in result of Amy now dying in the game.

“Ames, I didn’t know you were this bad at video games-“

“I-“ Amy flung herself forward at the action going on underneath the blanket, which made Hope grin smugly as she watched her try to form words. “Y-yeah, sorry, just come revive me already.”

Molly laughed and involved herself back in the game, reviving Amy’s character, forcing her to actually try and play the game. Apparently, Hope was better at multitasking, because she was playing just fine with one hand while her other hand was doing...  _ other  _ things.

But it hadn’t lasted as long as Amy might’ve wished it to, because her controller had stopped vibrating once they’d killed all the enemies in the game, and now Hope’s hand was back in her own personal space like nothing ever happened. And Amy’s face must’ve reflected all of that, because Molly was looking back at her like she was crazy.

“Um, okay, pause the game, Jared and I are gonna go take a break in the kitchen.” Her eyes darted at the boy beside her, telepathically telling him what was going on. In an instant, he paused the game and scrambled to his feet, helping Molly off the ground and allowing themselves into the kitchen. As they were leaving the room, Molly looked back at Amy and widened her eyes, and though Hope couldn’t really understand what she was signaling, Amy knew exactly.

“Ah, shit.” The smaller girl looked down, fiddling with her fingernails and a blush rising to her face.

“What’s wrong?” Instinctively, Hope’s hand reached for one of Amy’s and grasped it tightly, leaning forward to see her face better.

Amy just looked down in embarrassment, her dry mouth making a chapping sound as she parted her lips to speak. “Molly, uh, she definitely knows what just happened.”

Hope  wouldn’t be  _ Hope  _ without seizing an opportunity to tease Amy. “And what is it that just happened..?”

Amy’s face turned toward Hope’s a little bit with a knowing smile, making quick eye contact with her and then back down at their hands. “Don’t play dumb.”

“Okay, okay, fair. Well, why do you  _ think _ she left the room?” The taller girl leaned forward, pulling Amy’s face in for a deep kiss, all while listening to Molly and Jared hold a promisingly long and in depth conversation in the kitchen about the best lemonade flavors.

“Hope, Hope,” Amy stopped, pulling the girl’s face away from hers, and her eyes gave Hope a look of sincerity. “I’m ready.”

Something about the fact that Amy never broke eye contact while saying that felt like it was a new step for her, like she was finally becoming more and more capable of clearly communicating, and Hope couldn’t help but smile big. “Yeah?” She caressed her freckled face, looking down into her eyes as their foreheads lightly pressed against each other.

Amy took an audible deep breath, nodding nervously as she fiddled with Hope’s fingers. “Y-yes.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” A kiss was planted on her forehead, Hope’s lips leaving this reassuring and sense of comfort to Amy to sit with as Jared and Molly interrupted the moment.

“We have refreshments!” The boy brought two cold glasses of what looked like pink lemonade to the girls, leaving them on the side tables next to the couch arms. He handed a flask to Molly from his inner jacket pocket, and Hope made furrowed brows at the sight.

Molly must’ve noticed their confusion, because she unscrewed the cap quickly to take a swig, then reaching her arm out to them. “Day drinking. It’s kind of the best thing ever these days. Want some?”

Amy shook her head quickly, knowing she shouldn’t start drinking once again if she wanted to be any different than the last two nights - it was starting to embarrass her to be wasted around Hope every night, too drunk to do anything.

And Hope declined the offer as well, watching Molly shrug as she took another swig of the mystery alcohol in the concealed metal flask before handing it back to Jared for his pocket.

As more minutes passed of the group playing the video game intensely once again, Amy felt a vibration in her lap, which ended quickly and had made her realize it wasn’t the same vibration as last time. Hope’s controller was in her hands and she had her eyes locked on the screen, but Molly was looking down at her phone and it then hit Amy that her phone was vibrating from a notification. A message, from Molly, which read, “don’t think I didn’t see the stunt you pulled earlier.”

Immediately embarrassed, Amy opened the chat and typed back aggressively.

_ Amy: No you didn’t see anything okay? _

Only seconds passed before a quick reply.

_ Molly: Yes, I saw it all and perhaps I’m a little scarred for life seeing your O face but I’m happy for you but also get a room??? If Jared saw that you KNOW he would ask questions like the dummy he is _

_ Amy: O face? Really? I didn’t even _

_ Amy: You know what, just save me the embarrassment and don’t mention this anymore plz _

_ Amy: We have a room, it’s my room, and to be quite honest when you leave that is where we will be heading, sooo _

_ Molly: Ok, didn’t need the deets.  _

_ Molly: Well actually yes I do, you know I like to hear it all _

_ Amy: Whatever _

When the girl looked back up, she couldn’t help but poorly conceal a giggle as Molly was giving her another one of her suggestive looks that always made her laugh. Hope noticed, and now she was all smiles from seeing them happy. From seeing  _ Amy  _ happy.

All it ever took was one smile from her to make Hope go crazy, and she knew that wasn’t normal. She knew that was some form of love, and she’d never say it to Amy yet, for all sorts of reasons - like how her feelings stay hidden or how she’s afraid she wouldn’t love her back. But reuniting with Amy was the best thing that’s happened to her, and she couldn’t find room to complain or worry about the future.

Amy was all that mattered to her, in the past few days, the past month, the past year, even the past decade. Hope had always loved her, and it confused the fuck out of her, but confusion was all she’d ever known. And honestly, Amy was the clearest piece of confusion she’d ever had. 

**Author's Note:**

> hey - just wanted to say here that i might also end up posting some american horror story content if anyone here likes ahs too.. so yeah, booksmart and ahs will probably be my only content if i choose to post the other shit i’m working on.
> 
> hope u enjoyed!:)


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